Merry Christmas and Happy 2009~~!!

Merry Christmas.. Ok, I'm officially late by 2 days but whose counting. Anyway, its been a busy 2 weeks. I spent last weekend in Siem Reap and back to work for 2 days before going off to Singapore for 4 days. I shall blog a bit on Siem Reap. It deserves a whole chapter on its own :)

The Year That Has Been

2008. I would remember my 2008 for a couple of things. My travels for one, weddings would be another, work would be the third and the people I have met the fourth.

In 2008, I've been to Krabi, Thailand, Pulau Weh, Indonesia, Perhentian and Singapore. Before the year is out, there will be Siem Reap on my travel list. I'm starting 2009 with another travel :)

This year also turned out to be a record high of weddings. I started the year with Kah Mei's wedding, Shukreen's wedding in Perhentian, my niece's wedding, Mei Fong's wedding, Gwen's wedding, Michelle's wedding, Charles' wedding, Emily's wedding, Loke Meng's wedding and I'm ending the year with Zafry's wedding. That's 10 weddings and I miss 2 out of that. Sorry Charles and Loke Meng. However, I had fun at all weddings and I still say I admire their courage to commit to each other for the rest of their lives.

For me, work this year has more downs than ups. I have organized a new record high of farewell lunches and dinners for my colleagues. Louis, Francis, Terry, Razim, Eileen, Goh, May, Jane. I'm going to end the year with yet another farewell for Gwen. I'm missing these folks for they had made work fun for me. In the end, I became somewhat of a hermit because these folks no longer around. The beginning of the year till mid of the year was the unhappiest period for me. From then onwards, I couldn't progress and move forward from it all. I tried, I really tried and the harder I try, I got tired and frustrated. In the end, there is no more satisfaction derived from the hardwork and effort I had put in. Yes, it had sowed and reaped yet it doesn't bring a smile to my face. Not anymore. I've made up my mind and I've decided next year, I'm changing to a new role and I'm moving towards a different environment. For better or worse, it would be a fresh start for me. Also, I've decided to go back and study. That means, I must first study for my GMAT.

And lastly, 2008 marks the most significant point. The people I had met throughout the year. People I had met on my travels, people that I had met from work, friends I had made along the way, old friends that I had not spoken to in 10 years or more, friends who had been by my side for aeons. I think in the end people marks the essence of life. People from different walks of lives relate differently to things and there is so much to learn from them. I have never failed to be impress by people. It is them that had made a difference to my life.

And lastly, December 10th marks a new addition to my family. Lil Jacob. However, he is having breathing difficulties now and he is in the Baby Care Unit, ICU version for the babies. I'm very very worried about him. Everytime the phone rings, my heart stopped. I'm afraid of bad news and I would give anything to ensure he gets home safe. I'm praying hard that Lil Jacob will survive this and I hope he will grow up strong and tough.

Living my life

In all honesty, I have thought I would have no regrets on how I live my life. I would have thought till now, I have broke free from whatever bonds, imaginary or real, that ties me down. Surprisingly, I had never really broken free. I thought I had. I thought I did.

Played out

To be played out by senior members of the company and to be labelled as incompetent and no execution... This is the first...

Madness and Craziness

Its now mid November and the whole team or rather the whole entire company is in utter madness and craziness. We are all pushed into overdrive mode and push as hard as we are, the morale is bad and with some of the senior people giving very snipe and sarcastic remarks, I wonder where will all this leads us to. Surprising somehow that some people thinks that with sarcastic remarks we work harder. That is not true. Its demoralizing and it makes us very very defensive. I just find it sad that we have to stoop to that level and things that have been promised to be improved was as usual empty promises. And yet, we are still required to deliver when things are looking bleak. Instead of pep talks we get this. Are we supposed to move forward? Are we supposed to move forward with very thick skinned and face? Are we really supposed to be calendar face all the way?

The fighting spirit in me has left and I am nothing but someone who is trying her luck pushing and hoping things will improve. I keep my fingers cross tightly in hopes that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. But whatever flickers of light I glimpsed in the passing has diminished. I wonder what the future holds?

Packing up my clothes

I've actually cleaned up my wardrobe, packing away half of my life. Its weird, whenever I do this exercise. I dread it and I hate it. However, when I'm done with it, I actually feel a lot better. No, I don't cry, but I feel lighter emotionally. Its as though, I've decided to take charge of my own life and clean up and sever ties that are binding me down. Weird, ain't it?

I've packed my clothes into 3 piles, to be discarded, to be kept in cold storage and to be kept and worn. The first pile was huge. I never knew I had that many clothes. Some of them, I wonder why I had bought them in the first place. Amidst the large pile, I found some old clothes my sisters had left behind. There were a pair of jeans from the 1980s, those big baggy faded jeans. Quite hilarious when my mom decided to try it on and convince herself that she should still keep it and in the hopes that they will come into fashion again~~!! oh the things, we delude ourselves.

It tore my heart to discard some of the clothes. Some hold memories long gone, some hold a certain sentimental value. some things that I hold on dearly, might not be appropriate anymore and I should discard it with a heavy heart. I wonder if that's the same in life. To move on means to cut away ties that bound us? But above all, I feel a lot lighter after this spring cleaning. Its a therapeutic exercise to say the least :)

5 more days...

I'm going to turn 26 in 5 more days. Surprising that last year when my birthday came by, I had a tattoo to mark the ups and downs of my journey. This year, I had learnt more, I grew up, I grew wary of people and I had more downs than ups. But funnily, this time round, I didn't do anything drastic to mark this time of my life. I haven't gotten my third tattoo and that's because I can't decide where. I think I grew up by being more settled down. I hope that I'm wiser as well, as the years go by. I've been scared, I've been scarred and I've been put down time and again. But I've also said before, when life gives you lemon, I'll make lemonade out of it. I'm holding by this theory and learning to hold my head up high. For I have done no wrong and I shall feel no shame in it :)

Stumbled upon surprises

I stumbled upon a pretty good blog today. It was just one of those days of mindless surfing and this blog caught my eye. Its by edwin sumun. Enjoy~!! <The Link>

Back in Singapore once again

I'm currently sitting at Spinelli at Novena Square sipping a choc rum latte spin blogging this. Its been such a long while since I managed to come down to Singapore on my own for a whole week. I still have to work but then again, I'll be far far away from the pressure cooker environment in KL and I'll be able to just sit back and reflect on what I have done for this year and map out next year's charts. So fast and its another year coming to an end. Reflecting on this year, major ups and downs and yet, I've survived it all. What can hurt me will just make me stronger :)

Sitting in front of me now are 4 girls chatting and catching up over their coffee. They make me miss my friends. The times we just sit at mamak and chat and laugh and gossip. I miss those times. Its just not the same anymore. Most of my friends are no longer in KL, those who are around have moved on with their own lives, settling down with their respective partners. Maybe we all haven't change but its my feeling of inadequacy of not having a permanent partner. Or maybe its because we all know that our lives have moved on different parallel tracks. But given all the differences we all have now, whenever we get together we still chat nonstop and the youngest among us, cute Julie will also want to have her say as well :)

People getting hitched

I've reached my all time high on wedding invites quota. People around me are getting married left, right and center. So far, I've attended 5 weddings and my drawer has another 6-7 invites till year end. Basically after the month of October, I'm attending one wedding after another EVERY weekend~~!!! Sigh.. Not that I'm lamenting the loss of money but every wedding seems the same to me now. If its chinese, I'm quite sick of the 10 course meals to be honest. Its not like I eat a lot and every dinner, I'll just pick at my food after the 2nd course. Also, there will be loads of booze every dinner, and I usually got home tipsy as I'll end up drinking more than I can take. I wonder why do we have to endure wedding dinners? I'm actually happy for the couple. For they have the courage to want to stay committed to each other for the rest of their lives. But for the aunties and uncles who are attending, STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!

Weird how life works out

Its surprising how life works, how things evolved and how lives interlinks by a chance accident or by sheer serendipity and then *boom* it strikes you right in your face. I've been asking that myself of late. The chances that I had along the way. Wondering how things are and wondering what could, would, have happened if we didn't grab that one chance at that point in time. It would have been missed. But seizing all opportunities that come along will eventually take a toll on me. So we always have to be wary about what we take on and what we have in our hands. As of now, I have a lot of things in hand but I don't have the satisfaction derived out from it.

Moreover, for me now, a chance meeting has had me experiencing something I had never expected in a million years. Chance or not, it has taught me some valuable lessons and not to discount people based on their looks and where you had met them.

Love and Warmth

I'm starting to notice all the small and sometimes insignificant action can be an act of love from a mother to a child, a boyfriend to a girlfriend, between friends and even between two strangers. Why do you think I say that now? Maybe I've been blind all these while or maybe my heart and mind has not opened itself up to that notion. Last friday at a drinking session, a colleague suddenly announced (after a jug of beer, mind you) that he missed his mom and he wants to go back hometown. Oh well, all I could say was, that's a good boy. However, I wasn't convinced, but he was very adamant to correct me that there will be times he misses his mom so much, he will long to go home. Then, he went on to announced pragmatically this time, that he misses his girlfriend and he just wants some warmth. Now, I have nothing against that but the very fact that they both work in the same company, the meaning in your face 24 x 7 comes to mind. Once again, this colleague never fail to surprise me. He says he wants some warmth from his girlfriend. He just wants the closeness, hugs,mind you, and some quiet intimate time with his girlfriend without sex. Hmmm... I can understand the need to feel close to someone. In fact, the past week, I've been sms-ing a certain someone to say that I need loads of hugs and kisses to go through the week. And yes, I miss having someone by my side just to give me that uplifting hug when I most need it. But I've learnt to live on my own and celebrate the freedom of knowing someone is there for me and the sense of belonging without him being by my side all the time. For I know, I can be rest assured that the certain someone will come back and be by my side when the time comes.

Then, I started to notice that my parents do have their own way of showing their love. Mind you, us being Asians, we are not big on affection and the show of love. However, the little things that my parents do, bring a certain comfort and it shows love. Like my mom coming into my room mid morning during the weekends to pull the curtains together, so that this lazy pig of a daughter she has can have a longer sleep in. Or even like my dad, changing the light bulbs in my room when it gets dimmed or burnt. Although, my room now has different light colors, but that's another story. It is the action of it that shows love. As for me, I'm not sure how to react to my parents, but I know they enjoy the weekends where I bring them out shopping and lunch. It may not seem much to anyone else, but to them, its a time where I bring them out for a good meal and a look see of the other world where I frequent without them.

But in the end, with that colleague of mine, we parted ways after drinking because he has a sudden need to go Guardian to buy protection. So much for just hugs. :p

Of Love and Life

There are times I wonder what do I do in terms of my love life? When its blank and empty, its really bleak but when its filled, its filled with more than I can comprehend. I haven't stopped and contemplate what it means by having someone by my side (literally~!) So far, I've dated a few guys but then none that I have intention to move on until someone I met last year, and someone this year. I've never thought of settling down and having carefree relationship was something that I had pursued relentlessly. Yes, non committal I was. I admit it. I wasn't thinking of settling down, I was just thinking that I should date loads of different guys to find out what sort of guys will suit me best. Funny how life chooses to unravel itself. For now, I have come to a cross road and I don't what I want. I'm confused and I'm lost.

To be a beach bum again

I long to be a beach bum now. Just let the days pass lying in the sun, working on my tan, read books, dive as and when I want to and literally let the world pass with nary a worry and a frown on the head. :) Oh well, we can all dream..

Relationships?

I had always wondered what is it about love and relationship that makes the most sane amongst us go goo goo gaa gaa over it. Or take a word from Carrie in Sex & the City, its the feeling of zsa zsa zsu. I just felt some relationships, you don't see it coming, some you manipulate it to come your way, some just developed naturally. In the end, we trust our butterflies in the stomach to make a decision on the relationship. Now I wonder, are we always making the right choices then? If we are, then I rest my case. At times, we go with the one that seems to provide more fun than others. Me? I go with the one that can make me laugh, impress me, challenge me with their sense of humor and wit and ultimately, still love me for all my quirkiness. Is it too much to ask for in a man? I think so...

Government & Their Promise

Its funny how the government operates. Its not until there is an election will there be benefits for its people. Sad isn't it when these are the people we had elected. The recent story of PM riding the public transport and listening to public's problem, this is something he should have done long time ago and for that matter, while he was the Deputy. But no, the public had to wait for yet another "major" election to take place before we see some light from the government. Funny isn't it, that this is the government we chose and the government that insisted they place their people's priority of utmost importance. The problem with public transport is not something new. Its not something that wasn't highlight, it wasn't something that the public never groused about. Yet, with a certain constituency's bi-election we see the government acting. Sigh....

In the interest of time

This week had been the tops of my list of worst weeks ever. Monday was my car's side mirror got knocked, Tuesday was rushing over something I had no control over, Wednesday was my car's auto window failed and a project slippage, Thursday was rushing for 2 projects which I had no view whatsoever and Friday capped off a presentation of a solution I learnt in 2 minutes the day before. So there you have it, a week in Pei Jet's history of doom. The whole week went by in a blur but it was not all bad news. A friend will be coming to visit next week, I'm getting my tattoo done next week and the following week, I might just go down south for a weekend of fun and booze given its the National Day holiday.

I can't believe the year is coming to an end soon. So much had happened this year that it makes this year pass by in a second. I've traveled a bit, I've met some interesting people, I've had relationships and I've ended relationships, I've had a few hits and misses, I've learnt and found out what's important for me, I'm still stumbling along with what I want in life (but who doesn't anyway). Like I've said before and I'll say it again, I have no regrets and make no apologies about how I live my life so far. My only regret would be if I don't have enough time to see the whole world before I die.........

Questioning my capabilities

I'm in the middle of one of my toughest week. I have 3 projects running simultaneously and I can feel myself losing control over it all. Each one is slipping away from my control as I blog. And that's just only on the work front. I don't even want to blog about the others. Sigh.. I'm really wondering did I bite more than I can chew or am I really up to it? I guess time will tell. As of now, I don't believe in my capabilities anymore.

Work expands to fill time

This was given to me in an e-mail by a lady who sits high up at work. So being the not so intellectual me, I did a google search and this is what I got from Wikipedia. Basically, this is an old adage from Parkinson's law of "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion". But the basis of this phrase came about from Parkinson's observation of the British Civil Service, where he noted the staff of the colonial office when being absorbed into Foreign Office after the fall of British empire overseas is at its all time high. The work that was available wasn't that different from year to year but the staff increment was at 5-7% year to year. So, Parkinson noted that it is actually bureaucracies that expands over time irregardless of the work available because officials want to increase their subordinates and to make work for each other.

So with that explanation behind Parkinson's Law, where does that leave me? Is she telling me that I need to get more people or I need to work to justify her position? It makes me wonder when she used that phrase, does she really know and understand what it means?

Three Times A Lady

"Thanks for the times
That you've given me
The memories are all in my mind
And now that we've come
To the end of our rainbow
There's something
I must say out loud
You're once, twice
Three times a lady
Yes you're once twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
I love you

When we are together
The moments I cherish
With every beat of my heart
To touch you to hold you
To feel you to need you
Theres nothing to keep us apart
You're once twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
I love you"

This is one song someone had told me about. I had loved this song a long time ago. But I haven't listen to this song for a long time and it was brought to my attention again today. To me, this song meant about love lost but no regrets. Its a bittersweet feeling. It really is sweet as the feeling of love and being loved and then knowing that this is the end of the road is bitter. I thank this friend of mine for the past 10 months journey where he had been my rock, my listener, my support beam. We went on different path when I wanted something more than he can promise. That broke my heart but it also made me grow up. We had dragged this for far too long, and deep down we both know things would have ended sooner or later. A lot of words we had exchanged, both good and bad, the midnight chats, the tears and laughter we shared, the times when I pour out my frustration and my complains. He made me realized all things are never ideal and will require a huge dose of realism. He made me learn about patience, the meaning of give and take, to understand other people and he was there to catch me whenever I fall. He had journeyed with me the last ten months and we are still the best of friends. You know who you are and you know how much you meant to me this whole time and for the time to come. Thanks for everything~~~~~~~~~!!!

Surprises along the way

Its surprising how things and situation will work out in the end. I used to be very afraid to work with certain groups for their "perceived" high and mighty attitude and how they are so full of themselves at times. But now, I realized that's my one sided perception of things as somehow, the first impression which is the MOST lasting impression might not always be the correct impression. There are some people who are not who they seem to be at first glance. And now, after working with them and actually brainstorming instead of being at each other's throat, I find that they are humans also at the end of the day. Yes, they make mistakes and they might have some wrong doing. What we see at first glance might be one of the off days. My impression was corrected when they actually can sit down with me empathize with me and at the end of it all, we can all joke although we argue like mad over certain business matter 1 hour before. Everytime this happens to me, I get warm fuzzy feeling. It tells me once again, life is not that cruel and heartless at times. The people we meet along the way makes a lot of difference to who we are. It tells me also there is hope for warmth and a sense of togetherness in the cut throat corporate world.

Gone Bonkers

Nothing that I do seems real and right anymore. Going through the motions and going through life as day passes by seems to have overtaken me.I'm literally going through the motions, not questioning the purpose and not even coming close to bother with it anymore. Is this really me? I've gone bonkers just trying to cope with how things are. How things actually worked out to be. I mean, I'm literally not thinking anymore. The stupidest part about all these is the very fact that I feel I can't be bothered anymore. That's not me. And yes, I've gone bonkers trying to pace things through. For now, I just want to rest as I have a bet to win tomorrow.

Life?

The sequence of life is baby, kid, kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, university, work, get married, have kids, die. That's the usual sequence of life and along it will be peppered with sickness, hurt, love, happiness, smiles and all the bittersweet memories of living a life. But what makes our lives different from others? What are the things that differentiates our lifestyle? For me, I don't know what difference I can make on this Earth, however, I'll definitely for sure would want to go to every single inch of this earth. Along my travels, I meet people from different walks of life and its amazing how it all works out for them. I can't say the same for me but I know for sure I would want to live a life of my own without people dictating it and without any prejudice. I don't want to lie on my dying bed and regret things that I should, could, would have done.

Moving Forward

I hope I'm moving forward. I hope moving forward is the right direction. Wherever this new direction may bring me, at the very least I'm liberated and free to do as wish. Regrets? None so far or maybe one or two along the way. However, I've learnt the lesson from it all. So, I'm moving forward, moving on, may it bring me to a new destination and another different experience.

Long Overdue Post

Hi ya, I just got back from a 6 days trip to Krabi, Thailand. It was fun with all the cheap booze, good food, hilarious traveling companion and meeting new people. We stayed one night at Krabi town in a cozy hotel called @Krabi Pura. @Krabi Pura is a wonderful, cozy small hotel where the deco is beautiful. There is a landscaped garden at the back, and the entrance is inviting without the overwhelming feel. The rooms are strategically place to look out to the Mae Nam Krabi (Krabi River). On each floor, there is a landing and balcony which is super inviting to read books while overlooking the Mae Nam and listening to birds chirping. Peaceful~~!!!

Our first stop after depositing our bags were food at Koh Tung Restaurant. Cheap, fresh seafood cooked Thai style with loads of tomyam was the order for the whole entire trip. We decided to go for a longtail boat ride around the mangrove area of Mae Nam Krabi for an hour. Its the first time I sat on a longtail boat and we stopped by at a cave exploring the limestone formation. After that, we decided to walk around the town square just to work off the lunch. The town is quaint and small. We covered it within 2 hours of walking with loads of shopping all the way. We rested our tired legs for 2 hours which I sat at balcony reading my book. I have never felt so at peace with myself. Night time, we walked to the 2 markets for food. I got my thai dessert, Look Choob :) yummy~~!!!!

After a good nightcap with Chivas and chatting with Jan, we left Krabi town via a sawthaeng to Ao Nang. We stayed at Buri Tara Resort at Ao Nang. Its not by the beach and a bit secluded from the busier parts of Ao Nang. Right opposite the hotel is a construction site. I think that pretty much explains the low price of 2000Baht for the 2 nights. Ao Nang has one busy strip of shops by the beach and loads of smaller bars which are pretty dingy. However, booze is really cheap. 100 Baht for cocktails and its Buy 1 Free 1. Oh yes, Pei Jet has found her paradise~~!! At Ao nang, we went kayaking at Ao Thalene for half day with fantastic view of the mangroves, lagoons and monkeys~~!! It was also a fantastic workout for the biceps, triceps and shoulders~~!! It was also a good workout for my legs and butt as there was small distance where water was low and we had to tread through mud while pulling the kayak. Its really an experience. Second day, we went island hopping around the famed Phi Phi Island, snorkeling, sun tanning and basically just plain lazing around.

After another nightcap with Chivas, we packed our bags and head out to Railay Beach. We stayed at Railay Bay. One of the resort that connects Railay West and Railay East. It has a superb view and superb place to sun tan :) Yea, I worked on my tan there. We walked to Phra Nang Beach as well where the famous Phra Nang Cave is. Phra Nang Cave is believed to be the dwelling of a princess goddess (Phra Nang) and the fishermen pay their respects to her with lingam as a form of fertility and creation. Thus, the locals believed that Phra Nang will replenish their catches at sea. After that, we went rock climbing. Rock climbing is famous in Railay because of beautiful limestone creations. We climbed with Tex Rock Climbing School. Our guide, Sing, is a quiet guy but helpful and always ready with a smile.

We spent our last night at Railay East at a bar called Last Bar. They are literally the last bar on the strip. Its a typical beach bar with a very strong Thai influence. There are bamboos floor thatched out from the bar area with floor seatings and if you lie down, you can see beautiful twinkling stars on a clear night. I spent the night with my pina colada staring up at the sky searching for shooting stars. I was hoping to make a wish if there was one. Met up with some backpackers young school leavers from Europe, working folks from all over and almost half of them are working in an Asian country. I always enjoy meeting people like this. You never know what stories they bring and you would never have guessed their experience.

A whole new beginning

I believe that 1st July 2008 signaled a new turning point for me, work wise. I've 2 new bosses which I've always respected and I'm looking forward to working with them. I have no idea how this will work out for me but at least I'm out of the bottom of the dumps. In the end, its just me and I shall have what it takes to make a difference.

Disappointed Time and Again

Yes, I'm disappointed time and again at work. But how could it be that everyone that comes in replacing the head always has fantastic idea and plans and reorganizing the whole team and yet, when push comes to crunch, its just all talk and nothing else. All the actions promised, escalation for help, call for help, all the problems we poured out. It still doesn't make any difference to how we operate as a team. There are still last minute requests we have to entertain, complying and answering and reporting all for the sake of those very actions. Requests for help ignored and when someone higher up escalates, we at the ground scramble trying to understand the bizarre requests and complying as best as we could. And we do all these in the name of that, just do. Without any strategy, without any view, without any light at the end of the tunnel. And yet, we tell ourselves, things will be better, situation will be better and hope against hope, we will persevere to the end. I've just been told if I don't have the passion for my work I should leave. And I've been told I'm lucky.. What this person didn't realize is that I've also poured in hard work and spent time to be part of the team. Nothing has come easy unless you really spend your time to develop it. I've paid my dues for it. And yet, another manager comes along promising change and once again, I've been disappointed.

Productivity = Zero

Today my productivity is close to zero. I didn't manage to sleep last night, tossing and turning till about 5am. I was way beyond tired this morning. I don't even want to start analyzing why I can't sleep. But I did manage to complete the things I had set out to do. So in a way, I'm not that worse off...

Tai Chi Masters and excuses

I have decided once and for all to give a team a piece of my mind. I couldn't take tai chi masters continually not taking accountability of their responsibilities. There are certain work ethics to adhere to and there are certain methods of resolving problems. I can take it whichever method you use and make sure you are professional at all times. But leaving a problem unresolved for 3 weeks is unacceptable when you have a bunch of experienced people to manage it. So it all boils down to no one wanting to take responsibility and can have the cheek to tell me that its because we have a young person leading it. I don't buy that at all. I mean, I'm also young. Does that mean I can use that as an excuse to perform badly? If that's the case, for all the mistakes I had made, its forgivable due to my age? Unfortunately, I have to take accountability for my actions and I owned up to the actions I had taken, learnt from it all and I still had to pay dearly for my mistakes. Trust me, age has no holds on punishment.

Eventful Weekend

It was an eventful weekend alright. Started with a BBQ on a Friday night that got me high and another guy drunk, friends laughing away and met some new people. Interesting people. And then, there was a marriage registry which I was too tired to attend and a wedding dinner to attend. This time round, it was yet another of my schoolmate getting hitched. After so many wedding dinners, this time round, we were happy there was only 8 of us at our table. Less people, more food. Not like we can eat a lot.

There were 8 girls chatting away, gossiping and asking when the next one going to get married or have kids. This time, we have our latest addition to the group. Julie girl, Kah Mei's cutesy princess joined the gang. Its still amazes that we can actually pop out a baby. Sorry for my words, but I can't for the sake of my life now, to begin imagine popping out a baby. Anyhow, Julie was an absolute darling with her big round eyes and her dancing to songs and garnering our attention. She was a complete angel and for 2 hours plus she didn't cry to demand attention and eats almost the same amount as us~~!!! Michelle was the prettiest that night and rightfully so, as her gowns are so her, complete in pink and with frills, epitome of the princess of the day.

It was so fun to be able to sit down with friends and just chat away. We have known each other since secondary school and some since kindergarten. I can't believe I have friendships of more than 20 years~~!! We started asking the photographer to take pictures of us girls and believe it or not, when it came to toasting at each different tables, our table won as usual. At every wedding we attend, we practice our vocals with very long and loud, "YUM SENG". It was no different at this wedding and we are the loudest which surprised EVERYONE there :p given that we are the only all girls table.



Michelle & Tian's Dinner

To be or not to be

At times I wonder what's the purpose of my life here on this Earth. If its meant for living to just add to the numbers of people on this Earth, then I don't see my value. We are all on time sharing basis here on this Earth. It has nothing but just to make the best out of everything. We all have the same time on this earth, the same amount of time day in and day out. The amount of time that Einstein spent on his quantum theory day in, day out is still the same 24 hours daily. Its just how he chose to used those hours. As for me, I wonder what's the meaning of my life here if I don't make a difference to the people I get to meet on a daily basis. Does that mean, I'm practically just whiling away time till I get to meet Christ and God and be judged for wasting my time here? That's how I feel at times especially whenever I hit a stumbling block or whenever I'm unhappy with things.

Coughing my lungs out

Had not been blogging for a week. Am coughing my lungs out currently. Stupid throat infection of mine had been bugging me on and off for a month and I finally succumb to it, a week after my gastric. Sigh.. Think my body resistance is definitely on the super low side. Oh well, have a good rest, recuperating over the last weekend and on Monday. Forced myself to work on Tuesday only to be blur the whole day by the medication. Now, I'm just wishing for another weekend to sleep. I just need rest~~!!!

Appreciation of those around me

In my most recent incident, one thing struck me hard was I could be beaten down and flat on the floor. But it takes your own courage, strength and faith to pull yourself back together and show the critics they are wrong about you. I've bounced back and I'm ready to prove those who gave me the finger and the push that they are indeed wrong about me. I've never back down from a challenge and the fighting spirit in me although was diminishing, its back with a sparkle.

Also, I've learnt one thing. That is of those around me for their support. I really thank God for these bunch of people. I never knew my parents could take things so positively. In fact, they surprised me more than anyone else. And my sisters as well. We were never really closed for the matter given the geographical distance and us leading separate lives. And me being the rebellious one, it isn't easy. I admit I caused half the problems. However, when I needed them to be with, they gave up their weekend just for me and they cooked a dinner~~!! They were concerned and they were worried. It was something I had never expected them to do. Nevertheless, I was touched and I appreciated their gestures. There are also my close bunch of friends who didn't hesitate whenever I called them out for a bitching session and who were there for me to air my concerns, grievances and always ready with a hug. Lastly, I would have never expected some of my colleagues to support me, fought for my position and had believed in me when I had given up on myself. I really appreciate these people, I don't need to name names, they'll know who they are. I count my blessings and my lucky stars that I am surrounded by these people.

Thanks for sticking by me when I was a bitch to everyone else around me~~!!!!

The Only Constant is Change

I remember there was once an English class I attended where we were discussing about changes in life and evolution. I can't remember the exact topic but I can remember what we had said. We all say people will come and go and die. The difference is that how we choose to spend our time here on earth. So people evolve and we have new discoveries. Yes, we have already done most of the physics discoveries, eg alpha particles, atomic bomb but the next wave of discoveries come from the technology.

Change is really a constant. People come and go, deaths are all around us and babies being born every minute. I wouldn't know what will happen the very next minute. I guess this is life and this is what it means by living life to the fullest. By now, I've made it a point not to regret anything that I do. For I'm only given one chance to live and I don't want to spend it regretting over my actions.

A closure finally....

I finally got a closure that I've been anticipating for a LONG time. Up till that moment, I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know what to anticipate. To me, anything can happen until you see the printed word. So up till that moment, anxiety has overtook me. I actually threw up all that I had ate from morning till then. Pathetic isn't it? Imagine, 10 mins after lunch, I was kneeling down by the toilet bowl puking my lungs out. And what followed was a severe gastric attack that is still felt now. I was so sick that by the time I was summoned to the room, all I could do was gather all my energy to last the 20 minutes through.

After that, I broke into tears from relief. Relief that it is finally over, relief that the biggest burden is lifted off me, relief that I know what I must do next instead of drifting by. There is a big challenge ahead of me but I'm embracing the challenge. Also, in the aftermath of things, I'm touched by those that had shown their concern. It was something I had never expect them to do. I thank God for all those.

Uncle remembered

My uncle passed away on Tuesday night from liver cancer. Towards the end of his life, he was in a lot of pain. He wasn't able to eat and he doesn't have a lot of strength. He was in and out of hospital numerous times for the past one year. It was a painful time for him and his family.

My mom had called me on Tuesday night after my drinks with a colleague about 10-ish. She told me that he had passed on and my parents were going over there. So I told her I'll meet her there since their home and my office wasn't that far anyway. I was surprised to see his friends from church were there and they were already doing the prayers. My uncle was still on his death bed. Surprisingly, my aunt was calm. She had 2 years to mentally prepared herself for that day I guess.

I never knew my uncle well although he is my mom's brother-in-law. But what I could recall about him was, he always had nice things to say about me. Be it my studies, my looks or even my job. He always had compliments and praises for me. I had visited him only once in hospital although he was in and out of hospital and that was the last time I saw him. I still remembered his last words to me was,"Its never about what you know but WHO you know that will help you open doors". Wise words indeed.

On the second night of the wake, I was shocked to see so many people gathered at their home. I never knew my uncle had that much of friends. I never knew him to be that sociable. Surprised I was. As I sat there, I realized, its really his blessings to have so many friends that had cared about him and he has been very loyal to all his friends. The throngs of friends kept coming and going through the 2 days of wake. This is what my uncle would have loved. Noise, fun and friends gathered. He was never alone throughout the 2 days. My cousin was telling me, even on his deathbed, church members will gather around his bed and sing and praise the Lord. In fact, I felt that my uncle was ready to walk with Lord for eternity. His body might have been wasted, but his mind was alert and ready to be with Lord's presence. That was how strong his faith was.

At the end of it all, I'm sad but glad. He would be sorely missed but I'm glad he doesn't have to suffer in pain anymore and he is walking with Lord Almighty. Below are some pictures we last took. It was last year and it was his birthday.

L-R : My aunt, my late uncle, my dad and my mom

All of us at dinner

The highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows

My 2 years plus spent in my current company has recorded the highest of the highs and it also has the lowest of the lows. And its ironic, given that I'm forever saying I want to keep a low profile, I want to just be invisible for awhile. Yes, I'm loud and boisterous, I've sociable and outgoing. But I'm also a bitchy and who at times can be a homebody. My ultimate favorite thing to do is just to stay home on a rainy day, curl up on my bed with a good book and listen to slow rock songs. Ah... Now that's life. My other favorite thing to do is laze on the beach, working on a tan while reading a book and when I'm up to it, a dive trip in the ocean. I've never wanted any riches, I've never wanted anything more than a comfortable lifestyle. I've never asked for a lifetime partner, I just want a guy by my side and whenever I'm feeling down, this person is around to give me a hug. That's what I would love to have by my side.

A lot of people said I'm only around for 2 years, how can I be so tired with work? But I've always felt that 1 year here is equivalent to 5 years anywhere else. The learning curve is almost vertical at times but the things I've learnt, experienced and suffered through, I would not change it for anything else in this world. It has shaped me to be who I am now and who I'll be from now on.

Blur

I had wanted to blog about my day today. But I just realized that I have thoughts so jumbled and so confused that I'm not sure what kind of day I had today. Ridiculous isn't it? I don't know what I should be feeling today. Flattered or disgusted? But anyhow, the day wasn't that bad at least it ended with me having a new gadget to play with :p Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I finally got a brand new laptop. A lenovo X61. Don't ask me about the specs, as long as it runs fine, I'm damn happy. At least now, I have fully functional USB ports, workable speakers and bluetooth connectivity for all the syncing of my data.

Rumors and Misconceptions

I find it amazing how simple it is to twist the human mind to led them to think and behave how we want them to. A single whisper of the story to another person and with the other person's "knowledge" the story gets exaggerated a bit and the chain continues till the story becomes so out-of-this-world that you will find it so true. And people listens to these stories, be it damaging or not. Now I know how the celebrities feel when their life story gets twisted into unrecognizable and can't be repaired. Somehow people tends to believe the sensational story rather than the truth. I'm not much better than anyone else. I know I've paid attention to gossips and I've made some comments as well. I'm no saint. But then, when I'm at the receiving end I realized how ridiculous it can be. What more an innocent something will be misconstrued to be somewhat sensational with all the drama and the hype. Oh well, at the end of the day, my philosophy is "Come What May".

Eat, Drink and be merry~~!!

My 3 greatest vice in this lifetime, food, alcohol and I shall not name the third. But then again, what's life without indulgence? But then, indulging in one's vice too much will make one slack. Thus, I need to hit the gym again big time starting tomorrow. Heck, I've put on a couple of pounds and I need to work hard to lose them. Also, I have an incentive. My guy is coming to town. :)

My Dive Photos

Doing for the sake of reporting

There are times I really wonder what it means to be working, doing what you are paid for and a little bit more or doing more than what you are paid for so that you can look good in front of the bosses in your reporting?

All it just takes is one day for all my excitement in going back to work dissolve into thin air. I was moody the whole morning because my laptop was conked out. Secondly, I was asked to push and escalate or somehow or rather to get a contract printed. Thirdly which I find it most ridiculous, come up with a timeline for closing the deal so that we demonstrated our closure and planned it out well. In the end, decided to settle my laptop first then let my boss decides what he wants me to do and with the absence of a laptop, I'm practically whiling time while waiting for my machine to be repaired. Also, I had a lot of reluctance to do the timeline because I felt its a waste of time. Its just for the sake of reporting and being tracked daily for 2months is insane. Not only that, its also done so that the bosses will be seen as updated and knows a lot. That's plain bollocks to me. Furthermore, its not like the more we update the upper level, the more they are going to help us. In actual fact, the opposite will happen. So in the end, I was given the path of staying in office doing all these nonsense as the timeline is constantly evolving. But I better come up with a story on how we can bring it forward and how we are going minimize gaps. And Heaven forbid should there be any slip ups, I'll have to come up with another story then.

Its all about how one paints the picture. IF the picture is painted prettily but there is no depth, everything on the surface, the painter will be torn to bits for his painting will not be able to withstand the test of time and endurance. If the picture is one that we can constantly look at, and still see it evolving and it shows originality, then, the painter with his picture will last. I guess the same goes for us. But what I feel is that, we are constantly asked to do unnecessary tasks to please the bosses. Moreover, if we don't do it, we are escalated. C'mon for fuck sakes, if we are there sitting on our butts not doing anything, then I've got nothing else to say. But here we are, running left right and center, yet, you get no support, no one to leverage on, your own bosses citing amnesia and not listening and then tells you, you didn't do your job and being chased up the tree, round the bush. And we are saddled with more tasks to make our bosses look good. For me, I can safely tell you to go to hell~~!! If you want me to do all these nonsense (while without a laptop and constantly trying to search for a loaner) then bug me when I'm free. Don't simply saddle us unnecessarily and please don't tell us its for our benefit, as when we shout for help, it goes unattended and it goes unheard. Even if we do it via the proper route of e-mails, phone calls, escalation. I have had enough of this. Which is why, my plan B, plan C... right up to plan Z will come into play hoping to strike gold with either one of the plans.

Another Perspective of Life

I actually went back to work today. EXCITED... Hmmm.. I think there is something physically wrong with me. But then again, I had actually missed my work. I loved my job and I definitely love the action and honestly, there is that much of sand, sun and sea. Furthermore, what's diving without the usual huge amount of booze? But there is really that much of escape I can withstand without wishing to get back to KL. Yes, I'm black now and super tanned, but you know what, I'm very happy with my color. I don't know why. I look like a Latina now. Will upload to pictures later. As of now, I'm just happy and contented.

During my break, I had actually thought certain things through and I realized I have a better direction of what I want in this short time of my life. Taking the words from Old Man, we are on this earth on a time sharing basis, why should I care so much about other people's thoughts and feelings if mine are not met? Selfish as it seems, each of us have our own personal agenda and I know what is mine as of now. There are definitely certain changes I must make and make them I shall. There are some things I want to give a final try before giving up and there are some things I know are lost cause. To me now, I know what I want to achieve and how I'm going to achieve it but then again, its an evolving plan which should be flexible and I know now, my life can't be just all about work. I had met with some people so innocent, that they are willing to throw their life away just because they believed that the person they had a fling with will last forever while that person laughed and boasted of his conquest. I had also seen the destruction of nature and how mighty Mother Nature can be. I had also experienced the beauty God had created for us all to enjoy and the lasting effects of His destruction.

In the end, I realized why I'm glad to be back in KL. There is really no place like home. I've also learnt that at the end of it all, there is no need for apology as long as your conscience is clear. Like I had said before I make no apologies of how I live my life but its always the quality of life that counts.

My Pulau Weh dive trip

I've been in Pulau Weh, Acheh for the past 8 days. For the first time, I sat in a ferry that carries passengers, goods, vehicles, cargoes and whatever imaginable item. Also, it was an experience of its own trying to get in and out of the ferry. All was good from the trip to LCCT to Banda Acheh. Given the sparse condition of the airport I had no expectations whatsoever of my accomodations. Imagine that there isn't any aircond in the immigration area and there isn't any sign that dictates it being an immigration area. I guess I was lucky to be traveling with the dive center owner, Steffen Ng or very well known as Old Man or Pak Tua to the locals. Steffen Sea Sports had setup their establishment here in Pulau Weh for the past 6 months. Things has been slow but progressing for them. The only thing stopping is the local culture or adat. This is something we all have to come terms to. Also, when we were traveling in the local cab, I was given a scenic view of how Banda Acheh is rebuilding itself post tsunami. It is surprising that the roads are still full of pot holes, houses half built on small plots of land.

Anyhow, upon reaching the town of Pulau Weh, Sabang. I've never seen anything this remote and anything this backward. There were people everywhere and live animals everywhere, chicken, ducks, cats, goats, cows, dogs. You name it, I've seen them all here. It is backward but the people are friendly. I was greeted by friendly "salak" fruit sellers who were keen to give us a try of salak. All the while, the people of Sabang will close their shops from 1-5pm daily. Thus, we were given yet another scenic tour of Pulau Weh. It is really beautiful to say the least. The view of the oceans was enough to captivate me. Its really an untouched beauty but marred with the destruction of tsunami. My first meal at Sabang a plate of wantan mee in a Chinese shop. I must say its one of the best wantan mee around minus the beansprouts. But love it, I did. In all honesty, I haven't thought Sabang to be all that. I was expecting a rustic environment but I didn't expect to find a township~! After settling our tummies and bought enough snacks and junk food to last, we made our way to Gapang Beach, that's where SSS is and that's where rustic came into mind. Imagine, big wooden chalets, badly maintain, toilet with just a big tub and a squat toilet. Rooms equipped with not working tv. At the end, I decided to bunk in with the dive center. Cheap, with shower system and toilet bowls~~!!

The whole dive center was run by Pak Tua (instructor), Harvey(DM) and 3 Indonesians. Its a sight to behold when you realized that these 5 men are helped by the locals and trying to understand the locals. While we were there, there were another 2 divers from Penang and a group of Open Water students from Medan. I must say, its a small setup for now, but they are one of the best and with Old Man being the best in the industry. I've got no complains.

The dive sites there are thriving with corals. There was one site with just a wall full of sea fans (Peneuteng). There is one full of table corals (Monkey Reef) and there is also swimming with a school of manta rays. That was the highlight of the whole dive trip~~!!! Even the small jellyfish stings also didn't even seem to hurt that much :) I have a lot of video to prove~~!! Wait for it to be uploaded :p

At the end of the day, I went home realizing and appreciating the luxuries I get in KL. All it takes is a trip to the backward area to make me realized the luxuries I have here. And we can't complain about Pulau Weh because TIA (THIS IS ACHEH~~!!)

12 days, a beach wedding & an island getaway

Its hard to believe that my 12 days of break is coming to an end. What more, I can't believe that I've been to an island and back just for a wedding reception and no diving involved and then to another island where diving was hardcore. It was hectic but I've enjoyed every single moment of it.

My friday started with me sending my darling Joshua to his play school and I spent about 30 minutes there playing with him and making him pay attention to the teacher's topic of the day, flowers. I've learnt that flowers consists of stalks, leaves, petals and stigma. Sigh.. I think I've learnt more than the boy.

After that, was off to LCCT for my flight to Kota Bharu with Geena. With a quick meal of McD's, we boarded the flight to Kota Bharu. Upon arrival, the travel agent whisked us off to Kuala Besut, a one hour of hot drive in a van that has only air cond on the right side of the car :( It was a stuffy ride all the way to Kuala Besut. But the best part came when we finally get to board the speedboat. The sea was choppy although I've heard that it was a lot better on Friday as compared to days before. The boat ride was fantastic to say the least. I really missed the sea breeze on my face and the soft kisses of sun rays and the very look of the ocean, all blue and clear~~~!! Yes, I had missed the ocean badly. I felt that I was coming home :)

However, the same can't be said for Geena who had a fear of water and I have to admit it was funny seeing her shrieked as the boat battles the waves and telling the boatman to slow down :p after 30 minutes of ride, we reached our resort Senja Bay. The resort looks quaint from afar and it looks really bare inside. It was good enough for me as it has bathroom attached and hot water. After checking in and putting down our bags, we had approximately 45 minutes to get ready for the wedding reception. I was deciding between a few choices of outfits, it was a choice of practicality (shorts~!!) or decent (dress~~!!) In the end, the dress won. And dressed up I did, pun intended. However, to get to the wedding reception, a water taxi was required and at that moment, I wished I had chosen practicality instead. Getting in and out of a motorized sampan without baring my underwear for all to see was indeed a skill I have yet to master. Luckily, I did it fine without embarrassing myself, however, Geena's call for the boatman to slow down and then gripping the balancer was very hilarious :p

The reception theme was white and blue and it was a lovely setting. There was a beautiful sunset to greet the happy couple, blue and white M&Ms and a whole lovely bunch of people. Shukreen chose a very good place to have a wedding reception although trying to figure out what we are in eating in the dark, insects in our food and water and me feeding the mosquitoes is not exactly what I had in mind. However, I had enjoyed myself and seeing Shukreen so happy and glowing radiantly, it was enough to overcome all those discomforts. Seeing Reyhan as well was a joy, no longer the young junior that I knew, but someone's wife, pretty and so happy as well.

All in, I managed to catch a bit of rays in Perhentian before going home and then pack for my trip to Pulau Weh. I shall blog about Pulau Weh later.. :)

Away

Am currently entering Day 5 of my 12 days break. What have I done so far, attended a wedding, gym, attended playschool with my nephew, brought parents out, movie with parents, spent loads of time with parents... That's what I had done for the past 4 days :)

Tuesday, 29th April 2008, I'll be away.. for 7 days... A dive trip to Pulau Weh off Banda Acheh.. Am excited, overpacked and can't wait to go back to the waters... :) Will be back on 7th May with updates from the trip... and pictures... As for now, the wedding photos I have attended at Perhentian. Enjoy... Till then... Ciao~~!!

p/s Please pray that there will be no tsunami or earth quake of any sort... :)

The "Moment"

As I grow up, I realized my contact and exposure with the opposite sex has increased greatly. I've known a lot of people in my life from both sexes and I used to joke that I'm closer with guys than those of my own sex is because I don't get them in giggling bunches and I can very well go to the ladies on my own, thank you very much~~!! But its also very liberating with guys, I can be clear and state very well what was on my mind and what I meant. Sometimes, we, girls, doesn't always say what we want because we fear to hurt the other person's feelings. So, in the end, it just makes the guys go round and round and round and end up more confused than ever. No wonder guys are always saying they don't know what women want.

But what I wanted to embark on here is the fact, the more contact and exposure you have with the opposite sex, there will always be the "moment". It is that "moment" where there is just that attraction between 2 people of the opposite sex. The one look and the chemistry is all there. However, it is just that instant of lust gripping us and the very moment before a kiss, before all the hope and dreams of being together clashing wildly in the head. Each "moment" will have us thinking and hoping that there is a chance to get together and be happily ever after. And that is where everything that can go wrong starts. But then, I've also learnt that, there will always be moments like these with other people. How we choose to go about doing with these moments are entirely one's own decision. I can go on having moments like with a lot of different people and at a lot of different places and at different phases of my life. But it doesn't mean I should give up what I have currently to pursue that one moment of lust.

Countdown

Another week had passed and what an amazing and tiring week it had been. This is the week where I heard good and bad news and this is the week I've been out till almost midnight for 3 nights for drinks and this is the week where I'm starting the countdown to my 12 days break starting from 25th April.

Tiring as this week might have been but it gave me a surprise. I got to know a colleague better and that was a surprise on its own. I mean, given the differences, it was just nice sitting down for drinks with this colleague talking about absolute nothing and everything. It goes to show sometimes, all it takes its just the time to know someone better. The surprising thing was, I'm actually happy to know this colleague of mine better for one, I realized that the corporate world can be a cruel place and heartless one but there will always be people in there that will still stand for what they believe is right. The second thing is, I appreciate the things around me more now. I realized that there are some life experiences that can't be exchanged and not matter what it is, be it good or bad, its part of us growing up. And also, I've learnt boys will be boys till they are 40 where they are man. Hmmm... I guess that explains my choice of guys :p

Character

Someone complimented me today. He said I am a character. As usual, me being me, I squinted and gave a quizzical look. Oh yea, typical Pei Jet you would say :p I mean, c'mon, a character? I was thinking, when you tell someone he/she has character it could be snobbish, weird or even mental. And this is the meaning of character from dictionary.com, character means "The combination of qualities or features that distinguishes one person." Now I understand what he meant by character. But anyhow, he further explained that I'm a character because I'm funny, nice to be with, open, a person that would be remembered and be missed and the smiles, and I'm different and I can't remember all of it (I think I might have missed out some or added some but the gist is there.) But hell yea, I was flattered and all I could do was smile and said thank you. There goes to show, I don't know my vocabulary well and I wouldn't know that I'm being complimented. But in the end, I'm touched at the words he used to compliment me and I'm more touched at the fact that he took the effort to tell it to me :) Thanks~~!!

On a retrospect, I remember that I had once said I want to leave this world a better place. I hope that every single person that I had crossed path with would remember me and would always remember me with a smile :) I hope when I leave this Earth, all those that know me, will recall me with a big laugh and a big smile. That would be enough for me know that at least, I left this place with people being happy and a smile on their face.

Of Opinions and Punishment

Just felt that I had to blog this.

"2 siblings are playing catch outside with a ball although there were numerous warnings from their parents not to. This is because the kids are still young and they are not aware of their surroundings and the possibility of breaking a window. But the older kid had pressured the younger kid to play and play they did. In one of the younger kid's swing, the ball wasn't caught by the older kid and "krang~~!!" A window was smashed. And the parents came running out. The kids were shocked and kept quiet. Dad came around and asked who caused it. Dad was furious. But both the kids remained silent. Dad was hell bent on finding out who did it. And he sent the younger sibling to the room and asked the older kid, before he could finished his question, the older kid without blinking an eye and answered the younger kid did it and insisted he doesn't have anything to do with it. Dad was surprised at the quick, selfish way the older kid answered. He had expected it to be a big time interrogation with hopes of not getting any answers. So he sent the older kid to the room and asked the younger kid, who did it. The younger kid started explaining about how they ended up playing catch and it was the younger kid who had caused the smashed window. Once again, Dad was surprised. This time, he was surprised at how honest the younger kid could be and how trusting he was of his older sibling.

In the end, Dad punished both siblings. Reason being, the older could have shown more loyalty as he is the mastermind and also, if he hadn't insisted on playing, the window would not have been smashed. He also punished the younger kid because whatever the circumstances they were in, there was no denying the younger kid smashed the window."

This is my take on the whole situation above. We can all push the blame to someone or somewhere and as we grow older, survival of the fittest comes to play. Why? Because we will have commitments and family of our own to care for and protect and anything that disrupts the balance will have to be fought. I remember someone once told me, when we first start working, we will be very emotional and we will talk loud and clear on loyalty and do the right thing. However, as we grow older, there will be more and more commitments and everyone will be fighting to protect their rice bowls. And this is where survival of the fittest comes into play. If there is anything that harms this rice bowl, it will mean that they can't feed a family, bills not paid and life will be a living hell and you can't give the best to your kids. So what the older kid had displayed is the very fact that he has been playing the game and he knows that he needs to stay in his parents' good favor. As for the younger sibling, he was also fighting for survival by painting the whole picture and by admitting the truth that he was in fact the culprit though he wasn't the mastermind. In the end, both had gotten punished.

But let's say there are 3 kids. The mastermind being the eldest, the culprit being the youngest and the middle is the one that is stuck in the middle to do as the eldest's bid and letting the youngest run. In this case, who is in the wrong or who is in the right? Who should be punished? Who should bear the responsibility? And would your views be different if I were to put an age to the 3 siblings, the eldest being 23 years old, the second 18 years old and the third 2 years old? Would they have known better given their age? And also, are the parents at fault?

A time that is mine

This thought just came across my mind when I was wondering why I needed my beer and why I needed to club. I had always wondered about the attraction of alcohol and the clubs with laser lights, loud music and the tight space filled with smoke. Then I realized it was never about the crowd or the dance or the loud music. Maybe it was a bit to do with the alcohol. To me, it had everything to do with just a little bit of time that belongs to me and me alone. With no deadlines to meet, no parents to worry about, nothing bugs my mind. Its just the me time spent without a single care, nary a single worry.

All in a day's work

I thought that I would have hung up my safety boots and helmet together with the construction site after I had switched career and to a more comfortable air-conditioned place. I must have grown accustomed to the comforts of life, for I've taken air conditioned rooms and offices and whatever modern gadgets that comes with it for granted.

Until a visit to the construction site, brought back memories of my time at a construction site complete with the mud, the dust, the concrete, the steels and also the Indonesians who stare at you as though they haven't seen another female in ages. And also the toilets. Ahhhh... At a construction site, one would be lucky to find a toilet let alone whether its clean or not. And that is something, I've taken for granted for a very long time. The clean sitting down toilet bowl with nary a sign of dirty boots and black floors and urine stained bowls. Yes, that was what I used to put up with.

But my day that day had started innocently, where I was in my usual work get up albeit a bit casual and my stilettos. Luckily, I've decided not to wear a skirt or a dress. However, after bringing a customer for a tour, he decided to see for himself how a WIP data center would be like. And hence, we were driven to the construction site. Mind you, the guys were in ties and shirts. Lucky, no suits :p

All of us took it all in stride and don on YELLOW boots. I'm kidding you not, imagine Phua Chu Kang, and that was how we all looked like. The guys at the construction site must have decided that they required some humor in life, for I could not in a 100 years imagine why would anyone spend the money on buying florescent yellow boots~~!! Funnily, the guys were really good sport. As for me, I had to give up my stilettos for YELLOW boots and without socks. My decision to tough it wasn't lost on most of the guys and it was all in good fun. We ended up taking pictures of ourselves looking silly in the YELLOW boots. I still I can't believe I don on yellow boots without socks and climbed up and down the unfinished construction site and I can't believe that I did it all in one day as a part and parcel of my job~!! Who knows what the day might bring next

My Teddies

Was surfing till I saw this and my heart melted.

Of Wedding Dinners and Hits and Misses

There's always hits and misses in our lives. Be it in work, in play or in love. And somehow or other, there will always be a wedding dinner to attend. Let me start on the wedding dinners first. I've just attended my first dinner this year. It was one of my best friend's dinner. She went to Sarawak, met a guy and hey presto, 2 years down the road, she has a kid and a loving hubby. Am I jealous? Hell yea. But then again, as I sat down at the table, it dawned on me that half the table occupants are either in some stable long term relationship, married or getting married. So it brings me to the hits and misses. We have all been hit with someone, somewhere, at sometime in our lives. Yet, after being hit, if we don't figure it out, it will turn into a miss. And yet other times, we missed it totally.

In wedding dinners, you will always find aunties and uncles asking when we are going to get married. I've found the best way to shock these nosy relatives into oblivion, by telling them, I can't legally marry my girlfriend. So I consider this a hit, a direct hit to the relatives. There are some that tells me, wedding dinners are fertile ground for singles to mingle. Somehow, I only feel that trying to meet new people at wedding dinners is kinda pathetic. And there you go, MISS number 1.

But to me, meeting up with friends I have lost touch with over the years is the best fun during dinner. Also, the laughters that you get with a bunch of girls, those are my precious moments. As we grew older, our lives have taken different paths and being able to sit down and gossip as though the years hasn't alter us shows that we are friends and true friends indeed.

Today, someone asked me when am I getting married and my response was, wait till I can get a permanent guy in my life, as I'm actively seeking one now. Immediately, all my friends erupted with their sarcastic remarks of yea yea yea, Actively looking for one indeed, introduce guys to you but you reject. In the end, their conclusion is I'm actively WAITING for a guy to appear magically in front of me. That made me sit up and realized that hell, I either be more sociable or I might just end up alone with just my work. For another question thrown to me was, what do I do on weekdays. My answer was work, work, work and yoga and work. Sounds quite pathetic and sad even to my ears. Sigh. And those are all misses. Missed out chances to meet people, missed out chances to be more happening and missed out chances to enjoy life.

So there you have it, the summary of my life and what goes on when I attend wedding dinners.

Another Weekend Passed

This weekend, I was just relieved that the week is over. I've missed my Q1 numbers and I've missed it not in style, just by a couple of hundred thousands. Oh well, there's always Q2. But then, it was such a relieve to see the Quarter ending. It was a horrible quarter and it was a quarter, I fell hard and couldn't bounce back as fast as I could. Also, this quarter, I've learnt the true human instinct and the need for its survival. I've learnt to rise above and rise to forgive :)

In the end, I've decided to spend the weekend at home, in bed after all the hustle and bustle of work and ching ming. Yes, its the time where every single chinese would perform their annual rites for their ancestors. Lazy and hoping I don't have to go, it was a hot sunny day but yet, I've endured it and survived it and then later be comatose for 6 hours straight. It was the best sleep I've had in the past month~~!!

Bring It On

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade out of it. When things get rough, show them the right attitude and tell all the shit, BRING IT ON~~!! Arrogance you might say, but to me, its to show them your fighting spirit and also, to tell everyone else watching the drama, you have got the balls to do a man's work~~!!

I call this reality check, because in reality if a woman were to be seen to have "balls", she's a bitch but if a man were to execute the very same thing she did (maybe with a little more action and less all the emotions and drama), its called wisdom. But at the end of the day, when the man goes home to the woman, he'll be at her beck and call. Is that fair? Oh well, let's put it this way, women may never run a country and may never been seen as a equal to men but at home, women reigns and their stronghold maintains. So, if a woman lets her man go out and be the king, ultimately, she's the queen to the king and regardless whatever it is, when the queen allows the king in her bed, the king will be the good obedient subject :)

Pleasantly Surprised Weekend

The weekend is here and I've found out that it is always better to spend the weekend sleeping and eating and basically being a couch potato. Somehow, migraines and hangovers are big over the weekend and I've had my fair share of it with large dosages of Berocca and Ponstan to tide me over :p

However, this weekend, I had a pleasant surprise. I had a miserable week at work and added on with my unwillingness to push and be aggressive, I somehow found myself floundering the whole week and trying to play catch up on Friday. As silly and stupid it may sound to you, I've really not picked myself up yet emotionally and mentally posthumous of the last week of February. That aside, drinking on Friday doesn't help, although I was still sober enough to go home and have my dinner. I was saddled with a bad migraine that I confirmed wasn't hangover~!! I suspected it was my pillow and time for me to shop for a new pillow, the current pillow I have is 5-6 years old. It has gone soft and its no longer at its ideal height. Also, I suspect there is a thriving community of dust mites on it as well.

As I was lying on the bed trying to nurse the bloody migraine, which 2 Ponstan and a glass of Berocca didn't cure till 4 hours later, with a cancellation of one dinner appointment and several misses in trying to get another friend to meet up for tea, my dear friend called and asked to meet up. I was hoping and wishing to meet this friend of mine for the past 2 weeks and after all the downs and stressed out week, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend to spend time with this friend. Although the time spent together was short but it was fun and we ended it with good old nasi briyani from Insaf with a nice, cooling sweet mango juice. Yummy~~!!

By the time, I've got home after the dinner and a short trip to Ted Baker (they were having a sale~~!!) I'm tired and exhausted from all the buzz of fighting the migraine. But I'm just surprised at how well timed the visit of my friend and it was one that left me smiling and of course, I didn't leave Ted Baker's empty handed :p

Now, at this point while I'm lying down on my bed blogging, I've realized that this weekend was a good one for me because I didn't start it with any set objectives and I've just decided to go with the flow. Sometimes, its not that bad to take a step back, sit back and watch how life guides you through it all. But after this weekend, I've got a big battle on my hands and I hope to come out victorious from it. I've learnt to pick my battles and I hope this is one battle, which I had forced it, will be able to resolve some of my problems. Let's hope I can persevere to the end and emerge from this battle, with as little scars as possible but with a promise of a better future for me and a changed Pei Jet. I apologized to those that had to suffer through my emotional and mental breakdown that had made me into a super duper BITCH who gets stressed out over the smallest little thing and lashed out at people. SORRY~~!! My sincerest apologies...

The Country Votes

Yes, the general elections are over and the country is experiencing the aftermath of their decisions. The ruling party has lost its stronghold on the most advanced states, namely Penang and Selangor. FT will still be ruled by BN. The rest are still a mixture. All I can say is, I hope the country has voted correctly and all that is said and promised by the opposition will be fulfilled. To me, the country is voting based on emotions. Yes, a lot has been said about BN's arrogant ways and how corrupted our systems are and how our government overspends on their budget for Minister's private use. However, I would just like to say this. Look around you in KL, selangor and Penang (sorry for leaving out the other states, as I'm only familiar with these 3 places). We have modernization, we have the best of everything, the world class facilities albeit the maintenance of it. If we argue and say BN has not done its job, that's wrong. But if we look around the opposition governed states, what do they have? These are just my views and observations. I just hope that Malaysia is not spiraling downwards. All I hope for is, corruption will be wiped out, all that is promised by the opposition fulfilled and there will be lesser frictions among everyone. I hope that the opposition knows what they are doing and let it not be empty promises to the country when its citizens have had their fair share of empty promises, bureaucracy, corruption and false hopes.

Malaysia is currently experiencing its winds of change, whether its good or bad still left to be seen. Let's hope this wind will bring about a fresh breathe of air for the years to come.

Me In Singapore AGAIN ;p

Yes, I'm down in Singapore again for a break. It was a stressful week and one that left me resigning myself to faith and chance. The after effects of this week has left me exhausted and left me wanting a change in all sense. And Friday started at 4.30am with a trip to LCCT. So, I made a decision to hitch my bags and hit the road to Singapore again on a Friday evening. I've arrived here at midnight and went on to have a bowl of Bak Kut Teh at Balestier Road. Its the peppery type that takes awhile to get used to and its not as delicious as the Klang Bak Kut Teh which I grew up with. Nevertheless, at midnight, something soupy is not around every corner and beggars can't be choosers. :p

After several wrong turns, I finally made it to my sisters place. I take no part in the wrong turns as I wasn't navigating, I was just taking in the sights and trying to place in somewhere in my memory so that I can learn to navigate myself in Singapore. By the time I settled down with a shower, its already 2am. I was exhausted and went to sleep only to be woken warm with a broken down air cond. Although I promised to go yoga with my sister, I ended up sleeping through it all and woke up to shower and meet up with sisters for lunch.

Of course, I was the blur jet that I am today. Its the weekend and my brain decided to shut down to celebrate the event. This means while taking the public transport, I obviously missed my stop, got down 2 stops later, hopped on to the MRT and got out of the MRT station on the opposite side of the road. Talk about a series of wrong turns. In the end, spotted my sisters at Starbucks while I happily went to grab myself an Iced Cafe Mocha. I had never so loved a coffee as much as that moment to awaken my senses and powered up my brain cells in "safe mode". The other time I had loved my Americano is on Friday where 5 hours of sleep is just not sufficient for a growing Pei Jet.

Oh well, after I found my salvation from my coffee, lunch at Thai Express was a quick affair followed by shopping and a movie. P.S. I Love You was a book I had enjoyed and I was secretly hoping that the movie will not kill the book. Pleasantly surprised I was with the movie. The storyline line is still the same, but the settings and how the scenes took place was altered. I was sobbing through out the whole movie. Well, Hilary Swank is not the person I would imagine to be the soft, crying, wimpy character and damsel in distress, to boot. Heck, her features are so sharp and manly. But her role here is something unexpected and she played it well. The person that was really well cast was Gerard Butler. His Irish brogue makes it all the more irresistible and charming. The story of losing someone you loved has always been a well explored theme. However, this one tells the story of how the person you had lost guiding you back and getting yourself back on track with life. He does it so by sending well timed letters starting from her birthday. For me, the idea of someone capable of loving you so much and in return, continue to love you and nourish and cherish you even after they had died, is so surreal. But it also spoke of how we had always taken things for granted till its lost to us. Then only we start to cherish those we had lost. Whatever it may be and how much of a tearjerker this movie may be, do watch it and enjoy every moment of it with your loved one. You might just learn how to cherish that someone special in your life.

Inspiring?

There are times when I wonder what exactly that inspires me to continue in my job? I was looking back, even when to do things that I used to do just to find back that small little spark. But I've learnt that I won't find it and neither will I miraculously find it. I will have to learn to accept that its lost to me and I have to move forward and progress myself in my journey.

Today, when I went for my usual yoga class, which the instructor had blatantly lied through his teeth by telling me it was an easier class. I met with this lady. I don't know her name but she's a first timer to the class. Well, I can imagine what exactly the pain and frustration that she went through in the first yoga class. She kept telling herself that she's not flexible and she can't do certain poses because of her past injuries. All of us go through some phases of denial to make ourselves feel good or blame it on something else when its unachievable. We don't push ourselves. Complacent has a way of telling us, its ok if we come in second if not first. Heck, I even went through it last time, limiting myself to my comfort zone and not venturing out. I am still guilty of it now although I'll push myself to the limits of my capabilities whenever the situation calls for it. Yes, I've back down before but its always after realizing and understanding the situation and called it a battle lost.

I told the lady that when I first started yoga actively back in May 07, I can't even touch the floor when I do a forward bending. But after months of perseverance and loads of sweat and constant discipline, I can touch the floor with my whole palm now and I can do loads of asanas which I had not known my body to bend in so many different directions. No, I can't twist myself into a pretzel and still smile at you, at the very least, I could be a semi pretzel. It was never easy and discipline played a big role in me reaching my goal. When I told the lady what I went through, I could tell that she has found a kindred spirit who could share her story and yet, able to understand it all. It might not be inspiring as per se but I hoped that it had made her determined to go through it.

Same goes with life, I finally understood that discipline and perseverance is a must in everything that we do. I might have been looking for the wrong inspiration all these while. I realized that everything that we do must come from within. Without your own self pushing your limits, you will always be in your comfort zone and your boundaries, satisfied that the world moves on without you. I know I'm never that person. Yes, I've been comfortable in my comfort zone for the past 5 months. I've made plans and plans and yet more plans to move, yet I'm still sitting on my big fat arse contemplating the plans. I know its my comfort zone but at least I'm trying to move out from it. The discipline and the perseverance to see it through, has not been a stronghold on me. All these, regardless of whatever the outcome of tomorrow's agenda, I've grown to be a stronger person who doesn't fear the truth. I'm ready to move out of this comfort zone of mine and move on to the next phase and shift of life. Whatever it might be and wherever it will bring me to. All I can say with a super clear conscious, I've never regret all that I've done. I shall move forward with a strong heart and clear mind.

Kids First, Marriage Later?

There are times when I thought that there is a certain agenda to life. Baby, kid, kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, college, university, work, boyfriend, marriage, kids, grow old then die. That to me is the agenda of life, a cycle where one goes through in sequence. Nowadays, its normal to hear that this is sequence is jumbled or even missed a stage. I might not be the best person and I'm not being judgmental or casting the first stone. Its just that what has happened to society's moral? I had always thought as Asians, we had a high moral standard, be it with family, life or just outlook. This year, I've heard like 4-5 friends or acquaintances pregnant and having kids before marriage.

I know I'm judging people where all these while I told myself, I shouldn't. But then again, if 2 people are very sure of what their destiny holds, then getting together for the sake of the kid doesn't seem like a bad idea. However, even those who are legally married and followed the sequence, isn't always right. I went to play with my nephew Joshua today. I was down and needed some cheer me up. Selfish as it may seem but Joshua gives me the ability to lose myself in him and playing with him has always made me laugh. There's something different with Joshua recently. He has been good, no longer his naughty self. It seems like he just grew up during CNY period. He is no longer demanding and is always cheerful and happy. After playing with him, as I was about to leave, I noticed that the boy was sad. It doesn't help that I could see all the boy wanted was a playmate and his parents to be home. He wanted to follow me and even brought his shoes out to wear so that he can accompany me. It broke my heart that I had to disappoint him and him with his head hung low, he went back inside to return his shoes to its place.

Maybe there is a sequence of events that are meant to happen. But when it follows the sequence, it might not bring out the best results. I see some of my friends, happy with their kids and enjoying the stability in their life. It makes me wonder, what it actually takes to be a set of good parents and to be happy and at peace with your own self. I guess I have a long way to learn on this matter.

Retrospect

I had lived the whole of last month in retrospect of events of last year. In fact, I'm still feeling it now and experiencing it now. I had always wondered if things were done differently, would the outcome be different now? To me, karma has a way of biting your ass back when it hurts you the most. Would things had been different if precautions were not thrown into the wind and things are not taken with a pinch of salt.

There are times I felt that the way things are moving for me, chances are I can either move up and out or I move somewhere with no hope. I had built a good foundation for myself over the past year but the recent event of making one wrong inch, my whole reputation along with my name, credibility and respect went down into the dumps without a second thought. Now, I understand why credibility and respect must be earned.

When I was feeling down last year, I wanted to reflect on where my earlier enthusiasm, when I first started working with my current company, went. I volunteered to be the newbies' guide so to say. It was surprising when I realized who I was 1.5 years back and with the same wide innocent eyes, looking around as though I have the whole world under my feet and the oysters' for my plucking. It was strange to realized that was what I am through their eyes. After that, someone came to me to tell me don't go looking for that spark of innocence and enthusiasm. You have grown up and things and outlook will change as time goes by. When you go searching for something as abstract as that, chances are you will never find it. That might depress you further. Why don't you look forward and see what happens. Always be brave in looking forward, no point holding on the past. Never have to fear the future for the future is built on the foundation of today.

There were loads of truth in those words. I had went looking for that spark of innocence and that spark of joy I once had when I joined. I realized I didn't find any of it. Instead, I've learnt a little bit more about myself, both good and bad. I've learnt to come to terms with my shortfalls. I've learnt to be proud of my achievements, I've learnt that at all times, never give up and whatever joy I had, had been replaced with a more mature me. Cynical and jaded I may be on this work front. It might not be such a bad thing in view of the self protection I need to armor myself with. Maybe I should just let things develop on its own. It would be something I've yet to learn but I appreciate the friends I had made along the way and the loyalty I've garnered and earned from them.