Disappointed Time and Again

Yes, I'm disappointed time and again at work. But how could it be that everyone that comes in replacing the head always has fantastic idea and plans and reorganizing the whole team and yet, when push comes to crunch, its just all talk and nothing else. All the actions promised, escalation for help, call for help, all the problems we poured out. It still doesn't make any difference to how we operate as a team. There are still last minute requests we have to entertain, complying and answering and reporting all for the sake of those very actions. Requests for help ignored and when someone higher up escalates, we at the ground scramble trying to understand the bizarre requests and complying as best as we could. And we do all these in the name of that, just do. Without any strategy, without any view, without any light at the end of the tunnel. And yet, we tell ourselves, things will be better, situation will be better and hope against hope, we will persevere to the end. I've just been told if I don't have the passion for my work I should leave. And I've been told I'm lucky.. What this person didn't realize is that I've also poured in hard work and spent time to be part of the team. Nothing has come easy unless you really spend your time to develop it. I've paid my dues for it. And yet, another manager comes along promising change and once again, I've been disappointed.

Productivity = Zero

Today my productivity is close to zero. I didn't manage to sleep last night, tossing and turning till about 5am. I was way beyond tired this morning. I don't even want to start analyzing why I can't sleep. But I did manage to complete the things I had set out to do. So in a way, I'm not that worse off...

Tai Chi Masters and excuses

I have decided once and for all to give a team a piece of my mind. I couldn't take tai chi masters continually not taking accountability of their responsibilities. There are certain work ethics to adhere to and there are certain methods of resolving problems. I can take it whichever method you use and make sure you are professional at all times. But leaving a problem unresolved for 3 weeks is unacceptable when you have a bunch of experienced people to manage it. So it all boils down to no one wanting to take responsibility and can have the cheek to tell me that its because we have a young person leading it. I don't buy that at all. I mean, I'm also young. Does that mean I can use that as an excuse to perform badly? If that's the case, for all the mistakes I had made, its forgivable due to my age? Unfortunately, I have to take accountability for my actions and I owned up to the actions I had taken, learnt from it all and I still had to pay dearly for my mistakes. Trust me, age has no holds on punishment.

Eventful Weekend

It was an eventful weekend alright. Started with a BBQ on a Friday night that got me high and another guy drunk, friends laughing away and met some new people. Interesting people. And then, there was a marriage registry which I was too tired to attend and a wedding dinner to attend. This time round, it was yet another of my schoolmate getting hitched. After so many wedding dinners, this time round, we were happy there was only 8 of us at our table. Less people, more food. Not like we can eat a lot.

There were 8 girls chatting away, gossiping and asking when the next one going to get married or have kids. This time, we have our latest addition to the group. Julie girl, Kah Mei's cutesy princess joined the gang. Its still amazes that we can actually pop out a baby. Sorry for my words, but I can't for the sake of my life now, to begin imagine popping out a baby. Anyhow, Julie was an absolute darling with her big round eyes and her dancing to songs and garnering our attention. She was a complete angel and for 2 hours plus she didn't cry to demand attention and eats almost the same amount as us~~!!! Michelle was the prettiest that night and rightfully so, as her gowns are so her, complete in pink and with frills, epitome of the princess of the day.

It was so fun to be able to sit down with friends and just chat away. We have known each other since secondary school and some since kindergarten. I can't believe I have friendships of more than 20 years~~!! We started asking the photographer to take pictures of us girls and believe it or not, when it came to toasting at each different tables, our table won as usual. At every wedding we attend, we practice our vocals with very long and loud, "YUM SENG". It was no different at this wedding and we are the loudest which surprised EVERYONE there :p given that we are the only all girls table.



Michelle & Tian's Dinner

To be or not to be

At times I wonder what's the purpose of my life here on this Earth. If its meant for living to just add to the numbers of people on this Earth, then I don't see my value. We are all on time sharing basis here on this Earth. It has nothing but just to make the best out of everything. We all have the same time on this earth, the same amount of time day in and day out. The amount of time that Einstein spent on his quantum theory day in, day out is still the same 24 hours daily. Its just how he chose to used those hours. As for me, I wonder what's the meaning of my life here if I don't make a difference to the people I get to meet on a daily basis. Does that mean, I'm practically just whiling away time till I get to meet Christ and God and be judged for wasting my time here? That's how I feel at times especially whenever I hit a stumbling block or whenever I'm unhappy with things.

Coughing my lungs out

Had not been blogging for a week. Am coughing my lungs out currently. Stupid throat infection of mine had been bugging me on and off for a month and I finally succumb to it, a week after my gastric. Sigh.. Think my body resistance is definitely on the super low side. Oh well, have a good rest, recuperating over the last weekend and on Monday. Forced myself to work on Tuesday only to be blur the whole day by the medication. Now, I'm just wishing for another weekend to sleep. I just need rest~~!!!

Appreciation of those around me

In my most recent incident, one thing struck me hard was I could be beaten down and flat on the floor. But it takes your own courage, strength and faith to pull yourself back together and show the critics they are wrong about you. I've bounced back and I'm ready to prove those who gave me the finger and the push that they are indeed wrong about me. I've never back down from a challenge and the fighting spirit in me although was diminishing, its back with a sparkle.

Also, I've learnt one thing. That is of those around me for their support. I really thank God for these bunch of people. I never knew my parents could take things so positively. In fact, they surprised me more than anyone else. And my sisters as well. We were never really closed for the matter given the geographical distance and us leading separate lives. And me being the rebellious one, it isn't easy. I admit I caused half the problems. However, when I needed them to be with, they gave up their weekend just for me and they cooked a dinner~~!! They were concerned and they were worried. It was something I had never expected them to do. Nevertheless, I was touched and I appreciated their gestures. There are also my close bunch of friends who didn't hesitate whenever I called them out for a bitching session and who were there for me to air my concerns, grievances and always ready with a hug. Lastly, I would have never expected some of my colleagues to support me, fought for my position and had believed in me when I had given up on myself. I really appreciate these people, I don't need to name names, they'll know who they are. I count my blessings and my lucky stars that I am surrounded by these people.

Thanks for sticking by me when I was a bitch to everyone else around me~~!!!!