Its been awhile since we had last spoken. You had just left so abruptly. I didn't know how to tell you about my story and what's your story like over there. I wonder how you are now. Fishing everyday? I still remember every word of wisdom you told me, especially Jones's philosophy. Different but it is realistic. I failed again. Yes, I should have listened to my inner voice and voiced out my doubts. I should have listen to you way back when you were trying to impart your wisdom. I thought by going along with it, things will just straighten itself out. Little did I know, it just unravel itself and it became irrevocable damage. Remember how I told you I hyperventilated when he told me he was coming to KL, you laughed and said it is because of excitement or fear? I couldn't answer that. As time goes, I lost a little of myself along the way and a little bit more everyday. It wasn't fair to him and to me.
I remember you said, all I had to do is dream and you will hear me. I've been dreaming and I've been shouting out loud. I don't know if you heard me. But this is where I tell myself you might hear me. It ended for us sometime back. We just thought we could individually work it out in our heads instead of together with our hearts. But you know what, it hurts, I cry a lot and going through each day is a struggle. Yet, something in me died and something else replaced it. I can't identify nor can I specify what it is. But I do know, I can smile a little now instead of a grimace. There might not be light in my eyes when I smile but I'm slowly getting there. Its been a long 3 weeks. It might be a long journey of recovery but I'm slowly enjoying the time with myself again. I'm slowly re-discovering what can make me smile again. I'm slowly finding back myself.
I hope you are well over there Gramps. I'll be fine over here and I'll be able to take very good care of myself!
