Happy New Year~~!!

Its coming to the end of the year. Once again, its time for us to put on our partying hats and party like there is no tomorrow. Everyone's new year had started and ended differently. For me, 2007 has brought on a series of changes, good or bad, I've yet to decide on it. However, one things for sure, I grew up this year for better or for worse. My last day at work was a quiet day. Surprisingly, things went my way and we actually pulled things through with me getting my share of recognition finally. Also, it marked a full day of me sitting in the office area. :) On the business side, 2007 has a closure with great fanfare and loads of laughter and happiness with lessons learnt.

On the personal side, I'm in a happy situation with my guy and I can do with some work with my family. Am I in a balance of things I don't know. I don't know what 2008 will bring for me, I can't predict the future and i definitely can't tell that I'll be in this happy situation for long. But for now, I'm happy with what I have and contented with it all.

Also, on the other note, I've started my 2008 with a Baskin Robbins ice cream, fireworks show right above my head and with friends and loads of merry laughter and also the numerous sms-es with best wishes for the new year. Yes, I also had my retail therapy with a purchase of a shortie (wetsuit to the uninitiated) and a white embroidered tube. How can retail therapy not be part of my new year??? :p Also accompanying my journey into 2008, my 2 tattoos, one a beautiful butterfly that seems to be flying and taking me places and the other is a peeling baby who looks just old now.

To the surprise of everyone, I didn't club on NYE. Surprising? Not exactly, I'm suddenly old and tired and also, my best clubbing kaki is not in town. So not much of fun for me.

The other thing that I can look forward to 2008 is the weddings I need to attend~~!! At the last count, there is 4, one in April, July, August and November. If I'm invited to others, there's another wedding in November and a friend of mine has just proposed to his girlfriend of umpteen years. The proposal coincided with a big change in his life, a change in citizenship. I hope it all works well for him. Actually, deep down, I know it will work out for him and his girl and I'm so happy for them both. Hmmm... that brings the total count of weddings to anticipate to SIX. Oh well, I'm happy that my friends has found their life partner and they are ready to embark on the next journey in life. Its a super big step forward, something which I'm not ready for. So, I admire and envious of their courage and their luck for finding partners to spend the rest of their lives with.

My hopes for the new year is that there really will be peace and harmony especially in my country now. There are loads of chaos and with rumors flying around and the election round the corner, I really hope all of us Malaysians can unite and live harmoniously. Personally, I hope that I can find peace within myself and live in harmony with everyone around me. Let there be no more arguments and tears in 2008.

As for my resolutions for 2008, that will be in the next blog. In the meantime, I shall try to upload the video of fireworks display at Mutiara Damansara. Everyone, Happy New Year, hope 2008 will bring much joy and happiness~~!!

People Watching Thoughts

One of my favorite pastime now is to people watch. There is so much fun when I look in disbelief at youngsters around the age of 12 or 13, just entering their teenage phase, holding hands and acting all lovey dovey and proclaiming their everlasting love. Then there is the young adults getting all touchy and feely with Public Displays of Affections taken literally. After that, there's always the young parents trying to control their toddlers without any success and middle aged parents staring into space without a single word to their kids that are either busy with their phones (text messaging their friends on the latest gossip or their boredom), their PSP, their Nintendo DS or their iPods. And finally, there's the senior citizen who wants to be involved with their offsprings' lives and their grandkids' lives to no avail. That's just the summary or how I generalize people. There's always the exceptions which I'm beginning to see a lot of.

Firstly, there's the young adults like me typing furiously away at her laptop as though she's doing something serious but half the time I'm just plain surfing with earphones plugged to eliminate all outside noise. Give and take the laptop, there's always the PDA, PSP, iPod, phones or whatever the technology fancy schmancy gadgets. Then, there is the group of young adults hanging around at Starbucks, Coffee Bean or even the good old neighborhood mamak. After that, there are parents who are getting younger and younger. I mean, those kids don't even look like they are capable of taking care of themselves what more a small kid. And don't get me started on the teenagers who hasn't have the capability to earn a living yet, their expenditure on material goods are extravagant. Teen consumerism lives on to the happy retailers of "branded" goods and all things fashionable. Senior citizens now has taken a nonchalant outlook of the young ones, giving support whenever they could and turning a blind eye to their frivolous ways.

I remember once when I was in Singapore, I saw this granny sitting at the HDB foodcourt with the maid, tagging along with the maid who is meeting with her friends for lunch. What saddens me is that, this is what the future has come to. I hope that is not what our future generation will be. The old folks following the maid instead of their own kids, looking lost amidst all the foreigners and pretending that they are not hurt by the slight given by their kids. I'm not exactly a filial daughter and I'm definitely not the best role model for a daughter but I'm sure I wouldn't relegate my duties as a daughter to the maid~~!!! That scene really caught me by surprise. In the end, I just shook my head hoping to get the image of the granny out of my head. I mean really, I can't imagine my own parents in that situation. I hope I'm wrong about the granny's kids. I hope I'm dead wrong about them.

For this Christmas, I hope that there is really a spread of love throughout the world and a genuine care to the youngs and seniors. I hope I can do that too and let peace be with all those in a stress-filled world.

Christmas time

Christmas is here. Its a time for family to get together sit down and reflect for the past year. Somehow, I'm not totally inclined to the fact that yes, I'm emotionally stunted. I mean, too much family time will leave me gagging and wanting to get out of it. Am I emotionally unstable? hmmm.. I don't know and I don't want to speculate about my own self. I recently came across a blog that caught me by surprise. Events that happens in Malaysia, the senseless killing of a young girl has been given a tribute by a Portugese blogger. It caught me by surprise. I guess we are really coming to a borderless world. Thank you, David Santos for making me realized this. I guess I'm really ignorant when it comes to global news and the happenings of this world. Actually I'm not ignorant as per se, I just don't need anymore cruelty and violence in life. Everytime I flip open the newspaper or google news, there's more and more bad news, news of violence, death, cruelty, war, starvation. It injects a dose of reality and sadness to this world we are living in. It depresses me. So for this Christmas, I pray and wish and hope that there will be peace in lands and among humans, joy in everyday life, and hope for a better future.

My Second Tattoo

I got my second tattoo. This time was at the side of my waist and damn, it was so freakingly painful. This time I wondered why I went through this. Even till now, I still feel the pain with nausea and dizziness thrown in. Yes, that is what extreme prolonged pain can do to you. But I still wonder now why did I do this? In the end, I love the results. I'll post the picture later on.

Lina, the tattoo artist said she'll deliver the pain that I'm asking for. I wasn't ready for the pain this time round but painful it was. I was deep breathing and had to tell myself to keep breathing if not, I'll hyperventilate and pass out. Now I wonder would I regret this. I know I won't and I know the reason behind this tattoo and the meaning it tells me. I'll hold this tattoo as a reminder of how far along I've come and it will serve as a reminder of what I am and what I've become. In the end, all that really matters is what I'll be. My outlook has changed as the year progresses and what a tumultuous year it has been. But whatever happens, I wouldn't change this year for anything. Because loads had happened, but this is one year that I grew up significantly be it from looks to personality and maturity. Yes, I'm slowly evolving to be a woman. A woman who is proud of what she has achieved and what she has come to learn about herself and people around her. I might still have my childish tempers but I'm not perfect.

My current favorite song is Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. It reminds me of myself. When I cry, trust me, I cry bucketloads. But I've learnt that its okie and I have to learn to recover from whatever that brings me down and move on.

Now, I must say a special thanks to a person who has taken up the job as my critic. And trust me, he is good in that with his eye for my grammars and spelling. Thanks for listening to me as well whenever I'm down and I appreciate that loads.

My Little Devil

of Family Holidays and me

I'm finally blogging about my holiday last week. Yes, I finally did go for my leave and it was to Bintan, Indonesia. To those who know Bintan, its a Singaporean haunt in Indonesia. Everything is transacted in Singapore Dollars. Expensive (for Malaysians) and yet, the nearest island resort within the area. For me, it was a much needed R&R. I was practically unwilling to leave the beach. Sun tanning myself in the sun while reading is something that I haven't been able to do for a long time. I actually embraced the sun, sitting right under the sun rays, soaking it all up. Of coz, I got myself burnt in the process but nevertheless I was happy that I'm burnt. Don't ask why.

It was a family get-together thingy where all 3 sisters are united to foot the bill and family unity with parents and what more its done before Christmas. For those who don't know me, I've 2 sisters working in Singapore. I don't see them very often, maybe 4 times a year and I think I can calculate the number of days with my hands. Also, its difficult to schedule a time where all the family members are free. Last year was at Singapore, year before Penang and previously Bangkok, this time round it was more R&R. A well needed rest for me. Hence, we always try to organize something where the whole family can spend time together.

Nowadays, I feel that it is such a luxury to be able to just take time out and do nothing. It is really something that I used to take granted for. Usually, human nature will make us feel the guilt in just doing nothing. I have to repeatedly tell myself, its ok not to check on work, sms or call office and definitely ok not to check our e-mails. Although I can't say the same for my sister where she was practically glued to her BlackBerry. That's modern technology for you. Human race suddenly has a need to stay online, stay on the know, must be updated and informed. But what I realized is, its ok if you are 1 day late in catching up with news. The incident has already happened, and its not like knowing the news will make you save the situation or will impact your life anyhow. I'm not talking about 9/11 type of disasters. I'm talking about simple stuff like floods, fire or even a new iMac launch (if there ever was one). :)

Interestingly, my whole trip was spent reading about Steve Wozniak. To those in IT line, you might know him. To the uninitiated, he is the other Steve that started Apple. It was interesting as Steve Wozniak was relating his experience in developing Apple I and Apple II and all the electronic components involved. And he made it sound real simple. I mean, coming from this engineering graduate who had no clue what she had studied in her 4 years in university actually and finally understood what her lecturers was trying to tell then~~!! No wonder I switch jobs. I admire Steve Wozniak for his foresight and also, his courage. To me, he seems to be a humble guy and he doesn't have a desire for greatness. But he did have a desire to make personal computer accessible at a lower rate for the world. And what a fella he is. Hats off to him.

So that's how I spent my holiday with my family. I shall not bored you with the details of my spa experience, although I might one fine day. But that's all for now. And I came home, with a burnt face and chest and a red nose, it was definitely well worth it.

Defeated

This time, I'm defeated. They tell me that it should come naturally for relationship. Go with the flow, enjoy the ride, enjoy the sceneries, you might be surprise what comes out of it. We went down that path. Everything happened very fast. It was so fast and yet it was so natural. Things just developed. We became very comfortable with each other. We became instant friends. Yet, certain things was hard, certain things was evasive, certain things were ignored. When I start searching answers for it, I was told that I'm forcing an issue out of it. We were friends first and foremost, but we ended up not being friends anymore. We ended up arguing over everything. I became the catalyst for all things, I became emotionally charged. I became very taxing. I started crying, I became this irrational person who just wanted something solved, answers to things that I wanted to know, confirmation of situation. Yet, I became insensitive. So, I changed. I ignored those things, though it was killing me. I make myself think lighter of the situation at hand. I just decided to go with the flow. If I'm unhappy about it, I keep quiet. I just want it all to go back to when we were friends. So I smiled, I joked, I became chatty, I try to inquire more about the life, the work. I didn't know how to carry on a one sided conversation anymore. Then, I became self centered. I chose topics which I thought was safe, so I chose to talk about me. I joke, I poked fun at myself, tell you about my problems, hoping and making you a part of my life. Then it turned out I'm being high maintenance, high emotional maintenance. I become very taxing. After I'm told all these, I'm supposed to forget it, delete those comments and throw them into recycle bin. But do you know that, in the recycle bin, there is still ways and means to retrieve those information? Then, I was told to leave it alone, give it a rest. Then I'm irritating. What am I to do now? There are so many things I don't understand, so many things I'm trying to comprehend. So I leave you alone because there really is nothing else I could do. It hurts as I felt I lost a best friend. A person that I can talk to, a person that understands me, joke with me. In this few months, you really had given me a reason to smile, to laugh, to joke and yet, there's also the tears but you had been the reason for all the smiles and my happiness. I've come to include you as part of my life, part of my support system. Its really an emotional roller coaster ride. The ups are really happy and the downs really brought me to a stop. I really miss a lot of things that you had done before, it became a part of my daily life. The phone calls during lunch, the weekends spent chatting, the time u call me after your work, the early morning sms-es and wake up calls. I realized after awhile, you stopped doing all those things. You said you had lost the feelings you had for me, the joys in talking to me, the smile I had brought to you. You had said love is just a state of mind, somehow I felt that you were patronizing and belittling me. I know you have more things in mind, more important things. I never wanted to be the first. I just wanted to know if I featured in your life at all. I never wanted to take over anything or anyone. In the end, I just felt I'm irritating you, disturbing you. You said we are friends, yet you never ignored me like you never had, unanswered sms, unanswered calls. You no longer have a reason to talk to me for you have lost those feelings besides the disturbance and irritation? I miss you calling me dear, calling me baby. You said we are friends, yet when you are near me, you said friends don't do all these. I'm lost, frightened,confused. You said we moved too fast, things happen too fast, so I took a backseat. I decided not to bombard you, yet I became dangerous. Whatever I do, its just that I became something negative. I'm not perfect. I'm trying hard to understand things, trying hard to grasp matter at hand. I never wanted anything more. I never did, yet the only thing I've asked of you, I became a control freak. You became angry and I didn't know what triggered it. I was crying because I knew in my heart, I've to let you go. But at the slightest hint from you, I would be this happy girl running to you, to be by your side. I've always felt safe and warm in your arms. A lot of things I enjoy, I enjoy doing them with you and with you by my side.

Family Holiday

I'm finally going on leave and driving down to Singapore with my parents to meet up with my sisters to go Bintan for a weekend of relaxation. Somehow, until now, I'm not looking forward to it. The 5 hours long drive with my parents, cooped up in a car is not my ideal start to a holiday. And with my sisters, now that's another different story altogether. Sigh... For now, let's just pack my bags and see what's the worse that can happen :)

Santa CLAUS is coming to town~~!!

Ok, yes, I'm in the mood to blog as I don't have anything much to do besides sitting in the office waiting for the traffic to subside. Its Christmas mood. Christmas is round the corner, Christmas carols everywhere you go. People buying fake Christmas tree to put in their house with fake snowflakes as ornaments and mistletoes. I don't understand why we Asians see fit to copy the traditions of the West? I mean, does Christmas really mean all those things? Why can't we put up our version of Christmas tree? Why must it be a tree in the first place??????? and the socks to put your presents in? Why not just do it the Asian way, give money packets? And Santa Claus, the origin of all commercialization. Now, that's taking commercialization to the extreme when its Christmas.

Does anyone out there in my age group and younger really know the meaning of Christmas besides all the partying and drinking ourselves silly and have the mother of all hangovers the next day? Let's not forget it is also the best time to loosen our purse strings and spend like there's no tomorrow? Nowadays, Christmas is so commercialized that it has lost its true meaning and why there is Christmas in the first place. What we have adopt so far is just the "spirit" of giving where we buy presents, we party, we decorate our house with the fake trees, mistletoes, socks, Santa Claus, hollys etc. Maybe I'm skeptical about Christmas nowadays. I used to enjoy this period of the year, where everything slows down, festivities in the air, holidays to look forward to, spending time with my loved ones and the arrival of a brand new year. I realized as I grow older, I'm more cynical and jaded about certain things. Things that I used to take for granted is now no longer so. Things are different now, the outlook is different, the perspective of how things seem to be is different. I used to live for Christmas day coz it means presents and more presents and food and wine and the whole family at home.

Nowadays, I find that the true meaning of Christmas is lost. We celebrate Christmas for Jesus, our Savior was born. We celebrate Christmas to remember the day mankind was saved "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16) I believe in this and I still do. Just that I find a lot of people have forgotten this point. I find it sad and disappointing. Heck, I was once like that, I believed in Santa, I believed in the Christmas tree and presents, more the presents. But does anyone know the origin of the Christmas tree and why on top of the tree is the angel or star? What does it represent? There is a reason and mean to everything. We should not be doing things for the sake of doing and definitely not because it is part of culture or pressure. We should be doing things because we believe in it and it should be done for the RIGHT reason.

Welcome to the REAL world~~!!

I received a rude shock when I just started working. There were so many different things to learn and I don't expect anyone to teach me. But then, its really like paying life's dues. Moreover, its at times like this I realized that all my 19 years of education from kindergarten right up to tertiary education had not prepared me for it. What's worse is that most of the time, those with the right balance of street smart attitude and the paper education will succeed and leaving the rest of us to ponder about it. Most of the time in my job, thinking on my feet, out of the box and think fast. These are the soft skills that formal education had not prepared me for. C'mon, we all know about Malaysian education that is more or less spoon fed and basically memorize everything and literally "vomit" it all out during exams.

That's why when I first started working I realized they are people that is just so straight. Its difficult working with people when they are following the books and not knowing the difference between a violation and flexibility. I mean there are times where certain things that if you do cross a line, it is a violation and there are certain things when you do it, its ok. And there is a reason for process and procedures to ensure we do not break any rules or regulations and thus, saving our asses. However, nowadays with people that just follows the rules by the book, these process and procedures are taken like a bible. Where everything must be followed to the T, not a single thing left out and not a single thing to be missed. It gets to the point of annoying and too much. Don't get me wrong. I am not hiding anything or I'm not being truthful. I am. Just that there are certain things which can be interpreted differently but its so subjective that we can't argue and all our point of view have fallen on deaf ears.

So in the end, its frustrating and it is really the REAL world where we get to see different people, learn how to manage different people and learn how to get a job done that is a win-win situation for everyone. Difficult but hey, that's what I'm paid to do. Let's face it, if there is no curve ball in life, life is very boring and the journey of it will just be flat.

In Sickness and In Health

Sometimes I equate working to a marriage. We signed on the dotted line pledging our time and life to the other half. We will still go to work although we are sick and when in health we push harder. Working takes about 10 hours or so in a days. That's more than 1/2 a day is spent at work. I see my colleagues more often than my family members. Something that is quite easy to do as my sisters are in Singapore :p I think my colleagues know more stuff about me than my sisters.

That's similar to a marriage. A marriage also we sign on the dotted line pledging time and life and money. The only difference is at work, we get paid and in marriage we pay out :p

Anti Social or Social Inept?

In the recent months, I've taken to avoid any social gatherings by my friends except for invites to club, drink, afternoon coffee and shopping. I'm a well known person who doesn't attend the company's functions. Reason being is I see my colleagues more than enough from Monday to Friday. I don't need to see them as well on the weekends. To those who are closer to me, calls me anti social for this behavior. hmmmm... I wonder if that is true.

Yesterday, a colleague of mine mentioned that I'm not good with small talks. He might be right there because my tongue is in knots whenever the thought of making small talks with people I just met. There is really an art to small talk. So far, only a few of the people that I know can do it so seamlessly, it doesn't seem like they are putting any effort in adapting to the situation. On a hindsight to that, I can chatter a million to a dozen if you can just give me one topic. But then somehow the art of small talk is just something I can't master. Somehow I feel this has something to do with my impatience to speed things up.

So whether I'm anti social or social inept, I leave it to you to decide.