Trust?

I always wonder how much of one person can we trust? Can we trust someone whole heartedly and unquestioning? Does it take time for us to build trust? Can we just accept one word of, "No, darling, I won't do it"? Can we really ever achieve that level of trust between 2 people? If not, for every posted message in this day and time of Facebook, will evoke a sense of distrust. And if this goes on for a long time, this distrust will rear its ugly beastly head and sets a claw on you. It will continue to bite you and eat you till you are gone, digested by this beast and you are sucked into oblivion, leaving only remnants of what was once good till this beast arrives.

Marriage and Happily Ever After

Its amazing that a lot of us in our late twenties still have our vision or this pre-set image of us being happily married without arguments, hassles, clean-up. A friend I know once asked me, where is the happily ever after that we always watched in movies? Don't you find that question interesting? A lot of girls that I know have this notion of all things will be perfect after a perfect wedding. But what the movie doesn't show is the arguments that married couples will have over the toilet bowl seats, over the food under cooked or over cooked, the cleaning up, taking the trash out, etc. I mean, these arguments over the small stuff, its small and petty. But its always the smallest little things that can make or break a marriage. I have never lived with a guy or have never co-habitated with another person. I have done it while I was studying. I can personally vouch that it broke a few friendship that I had. Its not easy staying with your own girlfriends what more now, a guy for the rest of your life.

There are some skeptics and nay-sayers out there that would argue, if things can't work out, why not get a divorce. Its easy to say that IF you don't have kids, but the psychological aspect and the emotional impact of a divorce is not easy to overcome. Not only that, I know some guys out there who fell in love with a girl that parties, drinks and basically just plain good fun. After marriage or even after snagging a guy, things just disintegrate. The girl changed. The girl decided to put more attention, time and effort into the family. Staying home while the guy continues his ways. Girl nags guy to come home, girl argues that she's the only one making an effort to work at the marriage, things fall apart and why am I not surprise that they opt for a divorce at the end.

I ain't no saint. I've not been married. But after hearing all these, it scares the shit out of me in getting married. To me, moving in with a guy is a big thing. Getting married, its just an impending event if we ever do get around to it. Maybe I've reached an age where I do want to settle down. Would I change, I don't know. Would I curb my drinking and my partying ways, I really don't know. Do I still want my own life, hell yes. I can't imagine myself living my life for a guy. Been there, done that and its definitely not a good thing. I've found myself asking myself these questions. Some of my closest guy friend told me this. The best way a wife can please a husband, wait for them at the door, wearing only a 6 pack beer in one hand and pizza in the other. That sounds easy enough, but why aren't there more women doing it once in awhile just to please their man?

It all boils down to pride. In Asian culture, pride is everything. It defines who we are. The proud Asian who are proud of their culture, heritage and their men. Some of the proudest men, bordering on being a chauvinist, are Asians. Its literally in Tarzan's words, Me Man, You Woman. That to me is a recipe for disaster. But another fact that rings true, it doesn't matter where you get your appetite from, as long as you go home to eat, you avert a disaster. That applies to both men and women. Long gone are the days where women are the humble housewife that doesn't know any better. But then again, women who has this feminist side of her would not know what to do with this new found freedom. It doesn't come with a guidebook and certainly can't ask your mom or your elders about it. This is because the very idea of women going out to work, being independent, open and liberated is so strange to them as well as to all other women who are living this life now. Its surprising that only 60-70 years ago, women are fighting for voting rights. Maybe that's why more and more women are getting married late. They have found this new independence foreign and not knowing how to deal with it and be comfortable in it.

I, for one, find this exhilarating. Am I lost in it? Yes I am. Am I enjoying it? Hell yea.. Its not like my mom would get to enjoy an afternoon alone in an up class restaurant/bar, having her lunch and now sipping on a Mojito. I'm happy that I'm allowed to do all these and more without prejudice. Heck, traveling alone is not something so strange anymore. I wish my mom would be able to enjoy this freedom because it makes all the difference in trying to understand me and vice versa.