Lost?

I must admit. I've been pretty lost lately. I haven't been able to relax for the longest time. Things have been flying off tangent for the longest time. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else but work. Is work really everything? I wonder. My professional life is progressing. Things are moving forward. My deals are progressing. We are working towards closure and I can smell success within my grasps. But as this progresses forward, my personal life has taken a BIG step backwards. My lovelife is non existence. My family life is missing, my parents are currently into nagging me. My sisters are not around. Even my support structure of friends are spread across the whole entire universe, with the exception of a few.

I'm scaring myself recently. The different guys in my life and the different things that I'm doing now. The carelessness of myself. I do love myself but I wonder where things are heading to. Workwise and personal life wise. Am not happy, I crave for attention and stability. I hate the lonely moments that I get when I see my friends getting married one by one and I hate it when all my friends are out together with their other half. The sense of belonging. The sense of being cared for.

Yea, I know its part of growing up and yea, I know life sucks at its best now. But then, what is the meaning of all these things I'm going through? If it means I'm growing up then hooray. But then again, I ain't no seeing any light at the end of any tunnel.Instead I see myself spiralling down a whirlpool, a quicksand. Am I worried for myself, dem hell ya I am. But I don't know how I can move things or change things..

Guess I really need a long break and runaway and search abt myself again. I need to thikn what I want for myself rather than what everyone else wants of me. The things I want to do in life, doesn't have any impact on anyone else but myself. Maybe I really should look deep inside me to know what is it that I want out of this short life of mine.

In conclusion, I'm still lost. and I might remain lost for a long while more. But I hope to God that things will change and things will be for the better.