Before I start on this blog, let me clarify that I'm not dying or desperate to get married. However, I've observed many a times at social gatherings that marriage and weddings always seem to be the centre of attention. Not one single gathering will go by without anyone asking when are you getting married. So, this blog is just an observation as well as to wonder why we place such importance on marriage.
According to Wikipedia, marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. Definition of marriage varies but it is accepted as an institution in which interpersonal relationship, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged.
I have also asked around what does marriage mean to them. And I'm just going to explore the heterosexual relationships, although I've come to realized homosexual relationships are no different. Some told me for companion when you are old, to start a family, for financial security, for a guaranteed steady lay, for love, for convenience. A lot of times, if you ask a guy, what does marriage means, they will say expensive. Society has placed an emphasis on the males to provide for the family with a house, car and financial stability. In fact, in some cultures, women come with dowry so that it would not place a burden on the groom and his family. But in most cultures, it is generally acceptable that women marry for financial security and the men provides for them. Women are often viewed as the weaker sex, thus the need to provide falls on the men.
Out of all the times that I've asked this question, only 2 guys came back to me with the answer that they marry for love. One was 60+ and another was 57 when I asked them. Both surprisingly Australian, Caucasian males. One was Gramps. He said he married his first wife for love until she cheated on him. His second marriage was a marriage of convenience. She needed the citizenship and financial security and he needed the companion. The other was Bob (or rather I think that is his name!). Bob said the first time he laid eyes on his wife, he felt goose bumps and shivers down his spine. He knows that she's the one and yes, they got married till the day she died. And he found love again and he said the same thing happened. Goose bumps and shivers down his spine. That's how he knows that he will marry that woman.
Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart but a lot have told me that when love hits you, you would not know what it is and you will just smile and be happy to surrender yourself to it. I like to hear stories about how people fall in love and get together and got married. But those stories are getting far and few in between. Those romantic stories I heard, it's from those who are at least 45 years old and above. As for those 40 and above are more likely to have co-habitated before deciding to get married. For those below 35, it is usually and most definitely, met in university or while clubbing or working together, cohabitation followed. After which, marriage was the next logical step. Those below 25, are usually shot gun.
I always wondered what will trigger anyone to get married. The fact that you would feel the goose bumps and shivers? Or love? Or even just the plain old companionship that we seek? I don't believe in not being able to live without that person. Yes, humans are social creatures however, it doesn't mean that you can't live with or without that person. We would crave intimacy and the sense of belonging. Maybe that's reason enough. I've seen more and more of friends taking the step towards a 'legal' life together. But what separates cohabitation with marriage is just the license or is it the fact that with that piece of paper you are legally bound to the other person for life?
One person told me once that love is a state of mind. It is just how our grey matter processes it. In the end, there is no logic or rational reason that leads someone to a marriage. Some use marriage as an escape from their family, others use it to depend onto others financial security, others use it as a social tool and some would just resort to get married because of societal pressure. Whatever the reason it may that leads you down the marriage path, it is for sure hard work to stay married and committed to the other person.
Once you have decided to sign your name on a piece of legal paper that binds you to your partner, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, in good times and bad times, you would have to stay and hang in there. You would be responsible for the other person and you would have to find ways to make it work and stay happy along the way. And maybe, have a few babies along the way and complete the circle of life that some of us are privileged to follow through.
As for those who are not married or don't plan to get married, I truly respect your choice and your decision. For in the end, what matters is that you go through your life, living it the way you want and be happy with the journey life has given you.
