Another Year, Another Report Card

I think this year seems to be a year of sorts. I had wanted it to start strong. Last year was a year of breakups and heartaches and all things painful. This year started with hell a lot of bad news and mother-of-all bad news. It was hard to recover from the word go that's for sure. We all had some pretty rough times but then again, I found my way at the end of the day. Well, half of through 2011, I told myself, this is it. All the self doubt and self questioning just came to an end. My sister had once said, all you have to do is just progress and work on it. There is no room for self doubt when you occupy yourself and move forward. And that is exactly what I did. Of course, there will be times when I think back and wonder would I have done it differently. The answer is yes, I could and should have. But then, that's living in a world of what ifs and what nots. And then the vicious cycle would begin all over again. It is really depressing when one just keep looking back instead of embracing what other things life has installed for you.

So, this year (rather around June/July) I decided that I should really put things into perspective and things had never looked brighter and better. I had traveled a lot in the last 2 months. I had done things I had never thought possible to achieve and I grew as a person. Like it or not, I am going to turn 30 and things are picking up for me. I'm finally happy in my own skin. I found my confidence back and I found out what's really important to me. Steve Jobs had once said, stay foolish and hungry. Wise words indeed for a visionary. I'm going to make it into my life by staying foolish and staying hungry.

Of Marriages, Kids and Weight Issues

Now must be the season to get hitched. I have a couple of friends getting married, news of engagement and generally friends settling down with their other half. Those that are getting married are those been dating for at least 1-2 years and like me, not getting any younger. Those who recently got engaged are like me not getting any younger, but been dating for less than 6 months. And those settling down, well, put it this way, just want to get away from all the money you paid out in terms of getting married. Its amazing how some are getting married when they barely know each other. Shot gun, some would say but I'm more incline to believe that they are getting married because you just know it that that person is the elusive one. There should be no room for doubts and what ifs. I believe in that. I had invested way too much of my time in creating the illusion that the guy I was with is the one. I had led myself to believe it, putting loads of time and energy into making myself believe that he is the one. In fact, it is ludicrous how I had made it all to be.

And then, I wonder those engagements that I've been hearing so much lately. Would they be shot gun or would it be just wanting to be able to get a steady stable lay? I really wonder about that.....

And adding on from that, I've seen women after giving birth, they just let themselves go. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Its all a circle of life where a woman will lose weight to look good for their wedding and then just let things go after that. Is that what it is to women? Looking good for the one day and then, give up caring once the goal is achieved?

Of Breakouts and Burnouts

I can't believe that I've been working non stop for 3 months without a break in between and lest alone enough sleep. And in a typical PJ fashion, I go all out to the extreme. So even if less sleep and I still push myself to work and to spend time in the gym for at least 2 hours. And I still try to find time in between to party. So results of this nonstop, I am now the results of a lot of breakouts on my face that is red and angry. Also, I claim victim of burnout. I guess I'm just tired of it all and sleep deprivation was a norm.

In the end, I think, I must admit, I'm aging as well. The horrible notion of truth that is inescapable and you can't hide from. sigh............

A new ME

Let's see, its been a long while since I posted anything. Work and everything else has caught up with me. Its been a constant go and constant movement. I haven't been able to stop and digest everything that has happened and been happening. There are times I just stop and ask myself what is this all about. Also now, everything seems to be in perspective. Work is going great just very busy. No love life but I can live with that. My parents are fine although there will ups and downs with my dad.

Fantastic news is that I've taken yet another shot at being healthy. I'm now a regular gym go-er and short of being a furniture in the gym, I've signed up for personal training sessions and yes, I'm stronger and fitter now! Although no change in weight, but everything else about me seems firmer and toner! I've also given up my cigarettes for good and I've cut down the drinking to once a week. Add on with the diet (no white stuff, no processed stuff), health supplements, I think I'm doing really well.

Irony of Life

Just finished skimming the headlines for today at The Star Online (Malaysian daily), it made me realized how ironic life is. Whilst some parts of the world is in turmoil and major havoc with uprisings and riots and all that jazz, there are other parts that are relatively peaceful. What's even more funny is that when I was browsing through photos of the day around the world, there are pictures of the on-going World Cup Cricket in India/Sri Lanka and the next photo is of a riot in New Delhi. After that, there are photos of the New Zealand earthquake and then, there was pictures of President Barack H. Obama attending something to commemorate Motown!

My heart goes out to all the earthquake survivors and deads. I remembered watching this snippet of the news on the earthquake in Christchurch. A wife, trapped in a building that had collapsed, called her husband on the mobile and told him, she is alive. All I remembered was the husband's frantic replies to her and he kept going on and on that she is alive and how to send someone down to her. I burst out crying at his helpless look and for the poor woman down there.

Life at its best

It has been a roller coaster ride since January. In the last 3 months of 2010, I've traveled every fortnightly to Singapore, East Malaysia, Laos and Bangkok. Its amazing how a break up can get you bitten by the travel bug.

Come January, my dad has been complaining of chest pains and that led to long and many hospital visits where he was diagnosed with liver cancer. The whole family has different ways to deal with this prognosis. Each of us starts with good intentions and yet, we ended up bickering over the smallest matter, the major one being my dad's diet.

With death staring at our face, its hard to pay importance to anything else. All that I've been through over my break up just pales in comparison. Nothing beats having to face our mortality to sober us up and be a grown up.