The Only Constant is Change

I remember there was once an English class I attended where we were discussing about changes in life and evolution. I can't remember the exact topic but I can remember what we had said. We all say people will come and go and die. The difference is that how we choose to spend our time here on earth. So people evolve and we have new discoveries. Yes, we have already done most of the physics discoveries, eg alpha particles, atomic bomb but the next wave of discoveries come from the technology.

Change is really a constant. People come and go, deaths are all around us and babies being born every minute. I wouldn't know what will happen the very next minute. I guess this is life and this is what it means by living life to the fullest. By now, I've made it a point not to regret anything that I do. For I'm only given one chance to live and I don't want to spend it regretting over my actions.

A closure finally....

I finally got a closure that I've been anticipating for a LONG time. Up till that moment, I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know what to anticipate. To me, anything can happen until you see the printed word. So up till that moment, anxiety has overtook me. I actually threw up all that I had ate from morning till then. Pathetic isn't it? Imagine, 10 mins after lunch, I was kneeling down by the toilet bowl puking my lungs out. And what followed was a severe gastric attack that is still felt now. I was so sick that by the time I was summoned to the room, all I could do was gather all my energy to last the 20 minutes through.

After that, I broke into tears from relief. Relief that it is finally over, relief that the biggest burden is lifted off me, relief that I know what I must do next instead of drifting by. There is a big challenge ahead of me but I'm embracing the challenge. Also, in the aftermath of things, I'm touched by those that had shown their concern. It was something I had never expect them to do. I thank God for all those.

Uncle remembered

My uncle passed away on Tuesday night from liver cancer. Towards the end of his life, he was in a lot of pain. He wasn't able to eat and he doesn't have a lot of strength. He was in and out of hospital numerous times for the past one year. It was a painful time for him and his family.

My mom had called me on Tuesday night after my drinks with a colleague about 10-ish. She told me that he had passed on and my parents were going over there. So I told her I'll meet her there since their home and my office wasn't that far anyway. I was surprised to see his friends from church were there and they were already doing the prayers. My uncle was still on his death bed. Surprisingly, my aunt was calm. She had 2 years to mentally prepared herself for that day I guess.

I never knew my uncle well although he is my mom's brother-in-law. But what I could recall about him was, he always had nice things to say about me. Be it my studies, my looks or even my job. He always had compliments and praises for me. I had visited him only once in hospital although he was in and out of hospital and that was the last time I saw him. I still remembered his last words to me was,"Its never about what you know but WHO you know that will help you open doors". Wise words indeed.

On the second night of the wake, I was shocked to see so many people gathered at their home. I never knew my uncle had that much of friends. I never knew him to be that sociable. Surprised I was. As I sat there, I realized, its really his blessings to have so many friends that had cared about him and he has been very loyal to all his friends. The throngs of friends kept coming and going through the 2 days of wake. This is what my uncle would have loved. Noise, fun and friends gathered. He was never alone throughout the 2 days. My cousin was telling me, even on his deathbed, church members will gather around his bed and sing and praise the Lord. In fact, I felt that my uncle was ready to walk with Lord for eternity. His body might have been wasted, but his mind was alert and ready to be with Lord's presence. That was how strong his faith was.

At the end of it all, I'm sad but glad. He would be sorely missed but I'm glad he doesn't have to suffer in pain anymore and he is walking with Lord Almighty. Below are some pictures we last took. It was last year and it was his birthday.

L-R : My aunt, my late uncle, my dad and my mom

All of us at dinner

The highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows

My 2 years plus spent in my current company has recorded the highest of the highs and it also has the lowest of the lows. And its ironic, given that I'm forever saying I want to keep a low profile, I want to just be invisible for awhile. Yes, I'm loud and boisterous, I've sociable and outgoing. But I'm also a bitchy and who at times can be a homebody. My ultimate favorite thing to do is just to stay home on a rainy day, curl up on my bed with a good book and listen to slow rock songs. Ah... Now that's life. My other favorite thing to do is laze on the beach, working on a tan while reading a book and when I'm up to it, a dive trip in the ocean. I've never wanted any riches, I've never wanted anything more than a comfortable lifestyle. I've never asked for a lifetime partner, I just want a guy by my side and whenever I'm feeling down, this person is around to give me a hug. That's what I would love to have by my side.

A lot of people said I'm only around for 2 years, how can I be so tired with work? But I've always felt that 1 year here is equivalent to 5 years anywhere else. The learning curve is almost vertical at times but the things I've learnt, experienced and suffered through, I would not change it for anything else in this world. It has shaped me to be who I am now and who I'll be from now on.

Blur

I had wanted to blog about my day today. But I just realized that I have thoughts so jumbled and so confused that I'm not sure what kind of day I had today. Ridiculous isn't it? I don't know what I should be feeling today. Flattered or disgusted? But anyhow, the day wasn't that bad at least it ended with me having a new gadget to play with :p Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I finally got a brand new laptop. A lenovo X61. Don't ask me about the specs, as long as it runs fine, I'm damn happy. At least now, I have fully functional USB ports, workable speakers and bluetooth connectivity for all the syncing of my data.

Rumors and Misconceptions

I find it amazing how simple it is to twist the human mind to led them to think and behave how we want them to. A single whisper of the story to another person and with the other person's "knowledge" the story gets exaggerated a bit and the chain continues till the story becomes so out-of-this-world that you will find it so true. And people listens to these stories, be it damaging or not. Now I know how the celebrities feel when their life story gets twisted into unrecognizable and can't be repaired. Somehow people tends to believe the sensational story rather than the truth. I'm not much better than anyone else. I know I've paid attention to gossips and I've made some comments as well. I'm no saint. But then, when I'm at the receiving end I realized how ridiculous it can be. What more an innocent something will be misconstrued to be somewhat sensational with all the drama and the hype. Oh well, at the end of the day, my philosophy is "Come What May".

Eat, Drink and be merry~~!!

My 3 greatest vice in this lifetime, food, alcohol and I shall not name the third. But then again, what's life without indulgence? But then, indulging in one's vice too much will make one slack. Thus, I need to hit the gym again big time starting tomorrow. Heck, I've put on a couple of pounds and I need to work hard to lose them. Also, I have an incentive. My guy is coming to town. :)

My Dive Photos

Doing for the sake of reporting

There are times I really wonder what it means to be working, doing what you are paid for and a little bit more or doing more than what you are paid for so that you can look good in front of the bosses in your reporting?

All it just takes is one day for all my excitement in going back to work dissolve into thin air. I was moody the whole morning because my laptop was conked out. Secondly, I was asked to push and escalate or somehow or rather to get a contract printed. Thirdly which I find it most ridiculous, come up with a timeline for closing the deal so that we demonstrated our closure and planned it out well. In the end, decided to settle my laptop first then let my boss decides what he wants me to do and with the absence of a laptop, I'm practically whiling time while waiting for my machine to be repaired. Also, I had a lot of reluctance to do the timeline because I felt its a waste of time. Its just for the sake of reporting and being tracked daily for 2months is insane. Not only that, its also done so that the bosses will be seen as updated and knows a lot. That's plain bollocks to me. Furthermore, its not like the more we update the upper level, the more they are going to help us. In actual fact, the opposite will happen. So in the end, I was given the path of staying in office doing all these nonsense as the timeline is constantly evolving. But I better come up with a story on how we can bring it forward and how we are going minimize gaps. And Heaven forbid should there be any slip ups, I'll have to come up with another story then.

Its all about how one paints the picture. IF the picture is painted prettily but there is no depth, everything on the surface, the painter will be torn to bits for his painting will not be able to withstand the test of time and endurance. If the picture is one that we can constantly look at, and still see it evolving and it shows originality, then, the painter with his picture will last. I guess the same goes for us. But what I feel is that, we are constantly asked to do unnecessary tasks to please the bosses. Moreover, if we don't do it, we are escalated. C'mon for fuck sakes, if we are there sitting on our butts not doing anything, then I've got nothing else to say. But here we are, running left right and center, yet, you get no support, no one to leverage on, your own bosses citing amnesia and not listening and then tells you, you didn't do your job and being chased up the tree, round the bush. And we are saddled with more tasks to make our bosses look good. For me, I can safely tell you to go to hell~~!! If you want me to do all these nonsense (while without a laptop and constantly trying to search for a loaner) then bug me when I'm free. Don't simply saddle us unnecessarily and please don't tell us its for our benefit, as when we shout for help, it goes unattended and it goes unheard. Even if we do it via the proper route of e-mails, phone calls, escalation. I have had enough of this. Which is why, my plan B, plan C... right up to plan Z will come into play hoping to strike gold with either one of the plans.

Another Perspective of Life

I actually went back to work today. EXCITED... Hmmm.. I think there is something physically wrong with me. But then again, I had actually missed my work. I loved my job and I definitely love the action and honestly, there is that much of sand, sun and sea. Furthermore, what's diving without the usual huge amount of booze? But there is really that much of escape I can withstand without wishing to get back to KL. Yes, I'm black now and super tanned, but you know what, I'm very happy with my color. I don't know why. I look like a Latina now. Will upload to pictures later. As of now, I'm just happy and contented.

During my break, I had actually thought certain things through and I realized I have a better direction of what I want in this short time of my life. Taking the words from Old Man, we are on this earth on a time sharing basis, why should I care so much about other people's thoughts and feelings if mine are not met? Selfish as it seems, each of us have our own personal agenda and I know what is mine as of now. There are definitely certain changes I must make and make them I shall. There are some things I want to give a final try before giving up and there are some things I know are lost cause. To me now, I know what I want to achieve and how I'm going to achieve it but then again, its an evolving plan which should be flexible and I know now, my life can't be just all about work. I had met with some people so innocent, that they are willing to throw their life away just because they believed that the person they had a fling with will last forever while that person laughed and boasted of his conquest. I had also seen the destruction of nature and how mighty Mother Nature can be. I had also experienced the beauty God had created for us all to enjoy and the lasting effects of His destruction.

In the end, I realized why I'm glad to be back in KL. There is really no place like home. I've also learnt that at the end of it all, there is no need for apology as long as your conscience is clear. Like I had said before I make no apologies of how I live my life but its always the quality of life that counts.