Happiness?

In a person's life, there are always ups and downs, left and right. Life will not be what it seems to be. When everything seems to be smooth sailing, life will be thrown a curveball. What distinguish a person's capability or strength in situations like this is their adaptability. And that is a human's capability. To be a camouflage in situations like this and adapt to the situation life has thrown to you. I'm a firm believer of what doesn't kill you will just make you stronger. My life has never been smooth sailing. It has its ups and downs. While it was up, I'll be afraid of it coz it means there will be a down period as dictated by Newton's law of gravity. But now, I've learnt to take it in stride regardless it is up or down. I'll still sulk and moan and groan at the down period but then I'll rejoice and smile and laugh during an up period. Life can't always be on the same path and stagnant on the same pace. My learning curve in my 1.5 years in a MNC has been steep and at times its vertical. But that is what contributes to the life curve ball. We can all complain life is a bitch. And it is if you let it get to you.

For me, I've learnt it the hard way. I found out that no matter how hard I go against people or life's lessons, the harder I try to stay afloat, the stronger the impact it has on me. The harder the climb to overcome the curve. However, now, I've learnt not to be so hard headed. If things don't go well, go with the flow. Take a deep breathe, smile and things will seem a lot brighter than they once was. Subsequently, give it all up, go for yoga, get a good night sleep and it will be a BRAND NEW day tomorrow to start AFRESH.

I've taken a huge step back when it comes to my work and outlook in life recently. Things that doesn't seem so wrong I've learnt to let go, not to take it to heart anymore. Its difficult as it is to learn to swim but to gulp down loads of water and still remain afloat, you have gotta be a yogi~~!! I try not to get upset over it. And hell,even if I'm upset about it, there is nothing a Hoegaarden can't do to correct it. A wise lady once told me, if there are negative news about you, allow yourself the chance to be upset for ONE minute. After that, think positively and smile. Things won't be all that bad.

And that is true, as the saying goes, sticks and stones can hurt my bones but names can never hurt me. As they say if it doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger!

Do I look like them???

Of Bald Men and Me

Recently there have been a lot of interest in me when I go clubbing. To some who don't know me may think I'm just bragging. But let me clarify that statement. I'm not a super hot babe, and I do know it. I have a curvy figure that is quite proportionate and also, it comes with a flabby tummy~~!!! Although I have lost weight, but I still have a long way to go to get rid of the tummy. And yes, my BMI is in the healthy range. So I'm happy and confident about my body :)

Back to the recent guys I've met. yes, they are all men above 35. I wonder why. It all started from a chinese married guy, followed by a Englishman. Then, I moved on to Issey who is a Kuwaiti bald, then, its another indian guy followed on with another Eurasian bald, Indian air steward and a chinese. Mind you, all at different clubs and times. So my conclusion, I've taken globalization a bit too literal~~!! :p

But all these are in for pure, clean fun. And it is fun knowing them and getting to know people. Maybe because we were in a club and the darkness of it has clouded my judgement and add on with alcohol, beer googles has set in :) But most of them, i've met them the following week and they are still as fun sober as they are partying. I guess that I've been lucky so far and it probably means that there is really no boundaries to people in terms of characteristics and attitude. Maybe I'm just lucky thus far with meeting people. However, the conclusion, I guess I attract older guys and more than often than not they are bald.

I guess bald men do have their own sex appeal. Whoever said bald men oozes sex appeal, I'll agree with my hands down to it. :)

Looking forward to my next clubbing session and older bald men that oozes sex appeal!! Although a certain bald guy has already has a place firmly etched in my heart. :)

Lost?

I must admit. I've been pretty lost lately. I haven't been able to relax for the longest time. Things have been flying off tangent for the longest time. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else but work. Is work really everything? I wonder. My professional life is progressing. Things are moving forward. My deals are progressing. We are working towards closure and I can smell success within my grasps. But as this progresses forward, my personal life has taken a BIG step backwards. My lovelife is non existence. My family life is missing, my parents are currently into nagging me. My sisters are not around. Even my support structure of friends are spread across the whole entire universe, with the exception of a few.

I'm scaring myself recently. The different guys in my life and the different things that I'm doing now. The carelessness of myself. I do love myself but I wonder where things are heading to. Workwise and personal life wise. Am not happy, I crave for attention and stability. I hate the lonely moments that I get when I see my friends getting married one by one and I hate it when all my friends are out together with their other half. The sense of belonging. The sense of being cared for.

Yea, I know its part of growing up and yea, I know life sucks at its best now. But then, what is the meaning of all these things I'm going through? If it means I'm growing up then hooray. But then again, I ain't no seeing any light at the end of any tunnel.Instead I see myself spiralling down a whirlpool, a quicksand. Am I worried for myself, dem hell ya I am. But I don't know how I can move things or change things..

Guess I really need a long break and runaway and search abt myself again. I need to thikn what I want for myself rather than what everyone else wants of me. The things I want to do in life, doesn't have any impact on anyone else but myself. Maybe I really should look deep inside me to know what is it that I want out of this short life of mine.

In conclusion, I'm still lost. and I might remain lost for a long while more. But I hope to God that things will change and things will be for the better.

Me?

Your Inner Color is Orange

Your Personality: A total daredevil, you'll try any thrill. You're easily bored and you prefer to be on the go. You in Love: You see love as an adventure, and you find most men dull. You need someone who challenges you! Your Career: Your ideal job is flexible, fun, and maybe a little dangerous. You have the makings of a private investigator or extreme athlete.

What's Your Inner Color?

My First Traditional Balinese Massage

Finally I've decided to be a leech and leeched on to my sister's massage package. I wanted to have a relaxing weekend of pampering and comfort. But as luck would have it for me, I was subject to an HOUR of torture. It was a painful experience. According to the masseuse, I have too much "air" in my body and as it was my first time with Balinese massage, it will be painful. All my thoughts of relaxing and enjoyment together with aromatic scent flew right out of the dimly lit room the moment the masseuse's hands touches my body~~~~~~~!!!!! It was bad enough to be naked but to be naked and subject oneself to the torture and pain of elbows jabbing and knuckles pushing, it was not what I had anticipated. I swear the masseuse hates me from the moment I walked in the door. Maybe I was disturbing her quiet Saturday morning or maybe the person before me didn't give her any tips. But boy, was she tough~!

But surprisingly, after the one hour of torture, my whole body became flexible. I mean I couldn't feel the tension between my shoulder blades, my lower back didn't ache as much and my tummy is not as bloated. Although I sounded like an old lady with loads of ailments, I know I haven't been active. A sedentary lifestyle has taken over me. So today I realized, I won't enjoy being myself if I don't exercise. So I make a point to go gym next week, regardless of what my schedule will be :) maybe, I'll even attempt to wake up in the morning and go gym. Keeping my dear fingers cross :D

Happy Hours

I used to think that happy hours was a time for relaxation. A breather period before one goes home. I had always enjoy drinking before go home. I can come home relaxed and not so stressed out. Also, I will definitely come home in a not-so-bad mood. Sometimes I leave work feeling angry, angry at how rigid some people can be, how lazy or even how they have practised to be a grand master in Tai-Chi. Sometimes, I get angry with people so defined with their job scope that if they do anything outside of it is considered a violation to them. I'm not a saint when I work, I have my slacking moments, I also have moments of laziness and "delegating" work to others. But sometimes, I do go slightly beyond my job scope and just to work things out. I've done my fair share of work and more and earning a pay along with it. When I first started work in my current company, I used to go home frustrated and angry. I can now be the first to vouch that those feelings are definitely not good for people close to me. I get angry with my parents and my boyfriend whenever I'm pissed off with work. The slightest hint or remark can spark off an anger within me that I didn't know existed. It was a very stressful and trying period then. But now, I've found the wonders of happy hours and long, slow drive home.

I realized alcohol can make me feel relaxed. And I don't get stressed out by the time and reach home. Although, it does leave me with a tummy. But I don't drink that often. But the thought of happy hour need not be just drinking beer. A couple of friends gathering just to talk, chit chat, gossip or even bitching would be as therapeutic as knocking down a couple of beers. I guess in the end, I crave the attention of people and just good conversation. Recently my conversation have been centered around work. At times I had asked myself, is that all to my life, work???? It can't be. What happened to my diving life? What happened to my social life? What happened to my squash and swimming days? The answer was all too obvious and oblivious to me. I had sacrificed all these in the name of work and gave myself excuses along the way.

I had now stop myself, check myself and plan for my next holiday and my next gathering with friends. That's why I had DO-able resolutions this year. I intend to follow them through. I might not get a social life as fantastic or even half as active when I'm in university. But I aim to at least fill my life with things besides work. Work can be all too-consuming but heck, I'm only paid for the 8 hours a day for 5 days. The rest of the time is for me to use, plan and make a meaningful life out of it. In the end, I hope my boss will approve my annual leave~~~~~~~~!!! :p

Lost and Found

I've lost my push up bra. And I'm feeling miserable about it, very very miserable in fact. It feels like I've lost my identity in the process. Some of you might say its just a piece of clothing. But its this one piece of lingerie that defines my femininity. Its a one thing that says I'm a woman and it shows off some womanly curves. Its something that tells me I've grown up. And yes, I only bought it on a wimp after I broke up. But that's a different story. However, by losing my push up I realized that I have in my head an image of trying to be Victoria Beckham. I know I'll never be like that but heck, at least I would find some womanly curves to identify with. But now all is gone, the ONE piece that identified me with Adulthood is missing. Guess there's a damn good reason to go shopping tomorrow.

However, on the upside I went to pasar malam tonight. A night market in Malaysia is like a eating feast. Its something that all Malaysians will go out to at their neighbourhood in search of supper. Its been so long since I went to a pasar malam. The ones I've been to recently has been so commercialized and invaded by Indonesians that I hardly get the thrill of going to pasar malam. But tonight something was different. I went to the pasar malam at Sri Petaling. I've stumbled upon something from the past. I found Yu Yu Ice~~!!! Yu Yu ice was something I had when I was young. It was just flavored ice, there was corn, red beans, laici and sour plum lime. It was so heavenly. It brought back memories when I was young and all I could afford when we go pasar malam was that. It brought back memories of when I was studying in Malacca for a year and it was a weekly must-have item. It was this very flavored ice that brought me back to my childhood memories of a 5 year old holding on to my Aunt's hands and sucking on these flavored ice and thinking it was such heaven. I would eat till my lips turn red and till i get brain freeze. But as I grew older, pasar malam and Yu Yu Ice has not been a favorite place to go to, it has lost its appeal. It wasn't cool and its a hot and sweaty place, it was all replaced by designer coffee and ice cream and air-conditioned area. It was these places that defined my young adulthood, and half of my pay check on it as well.

By now, I've lost a piece of clothing that defines my adulthood and I've found back my childhood innocence with Yu Yu Ice. Maybe I'm just trying to hard to be adult that I've forgotten all these simple pleasures. I guess I shall continue to find my place in this big big world, but on the other hand, I wouldn't forget my simple pleasures.

Happy New Year, 2007~~!!

I've just realized that indeed I do have a blog and my name is Blur Jet. But anyhow, wishing everyone a HAPPY 2007~~~~~!!!!

Let me just take a bit of time to reflect on 2006. I've changed jobs, for the better or worse, I've yet to find that out. Perks are definitely better but my working hours are crazy and not in any way near sane. I've an ended relationship. It was bittersweet right till the very end of it. And I hope we can remain friends as I don't think I can find another guy who knows me as well as him. And my family is doing well. My sisters are OK and my parents are fine and healthy. I've got a naughty nephew who is always crawling around now and asking to be carried. And thank god, I don't look physically ugly or anything like that, although I've like ten pounds to shed but what the heck. I can look past all that. Overall, 2006 was maybe like my relationship. Bittersweet. I wouldn't want it any other way.

On another note, I spend the New Year's countdown staring out of a building on the 21st floor waiting for fire works to start. There is something about fireworks that so captivate me. Maybe because its so beautiful and it doesn't last. Its a split second beauty and sparkle and glow. If you blink once, you will missed it. Like all things beautiful, it doesn't last. Maybe that's why I was so captivated by it and every year, I wouldn't fail to try and capture a glimpse of it. To me, fireworks represent the big bang boom of the arrival of a new year. A new year's celebration wouldn't be complete without it.

Now that 2007 has arrived, its time for me to think of DO-able resolution. Here's my list of resolutions and by 2008 comes, I would like to see which I can hold on to.

1. To do well in my company. I would want to be able to at least achieve 100% of my target and more.

2. To spend more time with family. Take at least 2 saturdays or sundays in a month and bring my parents out.

3. To spend more time with friends. I've made an arrangement with my best friend to meet up at least every saturday for drinks and shopping just to catch up.

4. To go church. This have been a sore point in my life. I haven't made an attempt to go church since 2005. Its time I take this into my hands and make good of it.

5. To spend less. I aim to save at least 20% of my monthly salary... hmmm.. i've yet to achieve this.

6. To have more work life balance. 'Nuff said about this one.

7. To go gym 3 times weekly. I've known to be so lazy that I can't even make it once a week. Time to be healthy

8. To do charity work. I've always wanted to do the pay for a child thingy in a 3rd world country. Guess now its time to pay back the society that taught me.

9. To go on at least 2 dive trips this year. Its high time I visit my dolphins and turtles.

I think that's enough for now. I would always go down the routine of wishing world peace and economic boom. But that's beyond my control. Oh well, what the heck, I wish for world peace and joy to everyone and health and wealth for the new year. Hope 2007 will be a blast~~!!!

The Power of Prayers

Finally, after 3 days without my pc and a further 4 days when my internet connection is down, everything is fine for now... and still keeping my fingers cross. My PC's power supply was down, and it took the people at the workshop 3 days to identify the problem and fix it. My modem was down, struck by lightning and then followed by uncertain configuration steps by the technician, led me to 4 days of downtime. But thankfully everything is up and running now. For how long, I dare not say, just pray hard I guess.

Received a disturbing news today, my friend's dad was diagnosed with cancer. I was shock, speechless, stunned and for the first time in my life, at loss for words. I mean what can you say to a person whose dad is dying. I'm hoping to tell him that there maybe miracle, that he will heal, he might be blessed and heal miraculously. I hope to tell those things and so much more of the same line, but its sad that I can't say things like that. One, I'm no doctor and no doctor would even say those exact words. Two, I can only pray for him. Because the power of prayers can do so much, more than anybody or any medical science can do. It's weird, although I have always believe in God and the power of prayers, but this time I can only pray. I don't know what else I can do or even say to lessen my friend's pain. Just pray for him I guess.