He's just not that into you

If any of you read that book, you will have realized that 90% of the men you dated had displayed one or more of the scenario described in the book. If you had watched the movie, then you will realized that there are some instances there that seems like deja vu. How would you know if the guy is really interested or if he is just stringing you along for a good time? Then I suddenly wondered about my own relationships. Have I been dissecting all those small little things and pieced them all up the way I want them to? Am I insecure and not willing to trust the guy I'm with wholeheartedly? Is it really true that if the guy is interested, he will make things happen and make you really happy? I wonder how much of this is true and real in my current relationship?

Age Catching Up...

You will know when age has caught up with you. You would never be able to stay up all night long and still looked fresh the next day. You would never be able to last through 2 hours of gym without complaining of backache and muscle pain. You would never have that superb memory. You will suddenly find yourself with love handles, sagging boobs, fine lines and cellulites. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about myself.

I never knew that by the time I'm about to turn 27, I would have to face the reality that I'm old or at least I'm starting to be old. Its amazing that things I'm able to do 1-2 years ago, is now a task and a bloody big hassle to-do and that now, it leaves me breathless. Nowadays with my sleep being a big problem, I just realized how old I've suddenly become. I'm literally a walking zombie without a brain for the past few days. I feel lethargic and I feel slow and my brain wasn't working literally.

And to sum up my decline into old age, I went rock climbing today and while I was belaying a guy twice my size, I flew up when he came down. It has left bruises on my thighs where the harness had made its mark. I have nothing left to say except, the blue black better subside fast before my next waxing appointment. If not, my poor wax-er would have a field time guessing what I had done to deserve such blue blacks at my thighs...

Tired...

I have been having sleepless nights for the longest time. Working out, drinking, tiring myself out just didn't work for me. I just couldn't find the peace and quiet within me to close my eyes and lull my brain just to slow down and shut down. I wonder how long of this I would be able to withstand. Am just physically exhausted now. Where's Mr. Sandman when you need him this badly?

The Road Less Travelled

Die has been cast and I'm taking the road less travelled. I really don't know where this will lead me. But at least, I'm taking up this challenge by the horns. I'm going to deliver my promise. I'm going to make it work, whatever it takes. Life would not just be constant for everyone and I remain the same, in terms of attitude and outlook.

"The die has been cast"

The die has been cast. There is no looking back for me now. I've casted a die I should have casted almost a year back. Whatever that has happened in the past has developed me. It has made me grow. I've looked back and there are regrets but there are also bittersweet memories. Its deeply ingrained in me that no matter how hard I scrub, how much I ignored it, it will be a part of me. I'll always carry that memory, the experience with me. It has made me who I am now.

Honestly, at this point in time, I do have a number of regrets. But I don't want to carry them on with me. I have to learn to move on. For now, I'm happy with what I have in life. It might not be the best. I have left quite a fair bit of my life to chance and fate. It has brought me on a wonderful journey. Loads of ups and downs, for sure. Now, I want to move on. I want to march forward. I can't wait to see where this road will lead me to. But for sure, I can't wait for the next phase in my journey to start.

Feeling Stupid...

I've just realized that I've been presumptuous on certain things in my life. Today was a good slap in my face and the realization that all it took was just to let your guard down for a single second. That was all it takes. I always thought that I would not succumb to scams and such things. But lo and behold, that was just too presumptuous. Oh well, I've learnt a lesson and I'm putting it down as experience gained. I know my rights and I will not make the same mistake again.

Nostalgic about Petronas Twin Towers

I had always found the Twin Towers very mesmerizing. I could stare at it for ages without feeling bored and I thought that it is one of the most beautiful thing that Malaysian government had gotten it right for the first time. I know that it does not make sense to pay some much homage to structures but those who had yet to see and stayed within those towers would not know the feeling.

Also for me, I associate the towers with a lot of memories, some good, some bad , some that brings a smile to my face and some that brings a tear to my eyes. I have had really fond memories staring out from bars to the Twin Towers and memories working in those towers. It really is an amazing place where most KL-ites would have spent at least some parts of their lives in association to them.

A good race in Melbourne

In recent times, my interest in sports had vaned a bit. I'm getting cynical at sports. I've lost hope that our Malaysian shuttlers would rise to the challenge of doing the country proud. I've seen enough of rivalry in football to say now that Man Utd is leading and I'm happy with that, but its no longer earth shattering news to me. Basketball doesn't hold its grounds anymore when Kobe Bryant and Le Bron James entered the game. I know they are good, I've seen them play but somehow its just not the same anymore. Tennis still holds a special place in my heart, and my heart broke with Roger Federrer after the Australia Open. Olympics came and went in 2008 and my takeaway from that was China had invested loads of money and time to be able to hold its head high and announce to the world that they had arrived and ready to rumble with the big boys. To me, sports had became too commercialized, where every sportsman dreams to be good so that they can put their name out for endorsement. That's the whole reason why there are multimillion dollar endorsement out there up for grabs for those who had made it big.

But today's F1 race at Melbourne was different. It showed that underdogs could win on their debut. Although, to be there in F1 is a multi-billion investment but to hold your head high as a newcomer in a sports that had faded in its claims, that was the winner. I still love Ferrari but then, I'm going to root for Brawn Mercedes after their fantastic debut with a bailout equivalent to what AIG had spent. Hello, newcomers!!!!!!!!!

Serendipity

Serendipity, in an English dictionary it means the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident. Have any of you ever experience such an incident? I'm a romantic person at heart although I may think I'm a cold bitch. But give me romance and I can assure you, I'll melt. I remember the movie I once watched, Serendipity, aeons ago. Its about a chance meeting in a shopping mall and a date later, decided to leave their relationship to faith. Like how all romantic comedies are, the couple in question had a happy ever after ending. Since then, I always looked around for my own serendipity. I always try new things and new activities with the hope and chance that I'll experience something like this. Also, it does keep me occupied over the weekend.

But the movie was made in 2001 and after awhile, I had given up hope that it will happen. I had given up that very idea, to be honest. I had met people at clubs, work, office, gym and even at coffee places. Some are interesting, some are self centred, some are friendly, and some are boring. An interesting mix of people that I had met and got to know. There are some I remain contact with and there are some I save their contact details as "Do Not Answer". But there is one chance meeting I'll never forget.

I was in Thailand July last year and as some know, I had ended up going there with a couple. Not that I have anything against traveling with a couple, just that 6 days of being a bloody big light bulb nearly put me off the trip. I did persevere after all. Nothing was going to stop me from enjoying the trip I had looked forward to since January. After 4 nights of changing places, meeting people at the bar or at the beach and chatting with them, the 5th day that we were there, we decided to go rock climbing. It was something that I was super adamant to do. I had heard so much about the limestone cliffs in Krabi, it would be hell if I miss scaling it.

After we decided on the rock climbing school, off we went in the afternoon to climb and scale those damned slopes. We met a lot of different nationalities there and we chatted with everyone. It was fun and the guides had asked us to join them that night at their bar called Last Bar. It was literally the last bar on East Railay. Some of the people we had met there had said that they will be there as well. So you can imagine my excitement at having different people to mix around with!!!!

After dinner, we went there. It was really a nice place and the best part is, the bar was built on stilts and thatched roof and it has an open air seating area. My type of laid back hangout joint. I loved it so much there that I didn't mind that I was left alone to stare at the stars above. It was a clear sky mind you. The funny part was, the people we had met earlier in the day, didn't show up. So that's how I ended up staring at the stars that night. I wasn't drinking much that night as we have an early day the next day of traveling back to KL. But I was longing for something to do and talk. The couple had already settled themselves down to an intimate chat and I was feeling really left out. It doesn't help that the tables surrounding us are groups and they left us (me) alone. :(

However, I noticed at a table across our's, there was a guy that had stared at me a couple of times. I just gave a smile back in return. I just thought it was funny that he was alone when before that there were a bunch of girls at his table as well. I was itching for conversation by then. There is so much of stars that I could count and hope to see a shooting star was diminishing!! So I approached that guy and asked for a stick. And in his exact words, you can only have it if you sit here with me. Fair enough, and I happily obliged. That's how my relationship with serendipity started. A chance meeting in a foreign place, where the people didn't turn up and his friends had turned in early for bed. If his friends had stayed on, I wouldn't have approached him. Had my climbing acquaintances showed up, I would have been occupied. So, quoting him, "We met in a really nice place, Railay Beach at a really cool bar called The Last Bar, and PJ had to put up with me ever since then."

What is a Relationship?

I've been constantly asking myself that question. What is a relationship? What is it that constitutes a relationship? What makes a man and a woman to decide to commit to each other? What makes the opposite attracts each other in the first place?

We are currently living in a fast paced technology world where everything speeds up, patience run thin and expectations are high. Do we still have the normal dates where guy picks girl up from home, "interview" with the parents, bring girl out for dinner with flowers and send her home by midnight, and steal a kiss by the door before the father opens the door? Do we still have a conventional date? And what are the dating rules now? Sex on the first date? Sex on the third date? No sex till marriage? Is there still a first date?

The dating rules have changed over the years. Where once the guy will ask the girl to be his girlfriend, with the same serious face as proposal. Now, its a chance meeting in a bar, dancing together, chugging down shots, more dancing and then, a kiss and you leave the bar holding hands, exchanging phone numbers, loads of flirty sms-es and viola, next date will be a romp in bed. And then, moving in together and before you know it, they are together for donkey months. When they finally decided to get married, they'll divorce within months of the marriage. Does that sound familiar to you? Has it happened to someone you know or you yourself?

So what makes a relationship last? Are there clear and set rules? Fundamentally, what is a relationship?