Friends...

I don't know if the majority of people out there goes through different sets of friends at different phases of their life. I did and I'm still going through it. When I was in school, I had a bunch of besties that I wouldn't have replaced in the world. I still stay in touch with them, I miss all of them but our lives have charted different paths sometimes away from each other. We have grown together since we are 13. We have gone through ups and downs, first boyfriends, detentions, clubbing, drinking, shopping, all night phone conversations, sleep overs, you name it, we have done it. We have tried to meet up as much as we could. When we do meet up, once a quarter, we can cause havoc at our meeting place with our loud laughs and noisy chatter.

However, some of us had settled down, married and have babies. We suddenly don't have that much time for each other anymore. Then, you will realized that you have another set of friends that you will meet up regularly. Drinking buddies, colleagues, friends you made along the way. They can't replace the friends you grew up with, but variety is the spice of life. I have a myriad of friends from all different walks of life, all shapes and sizes and all types of skin color. Some surprise me with their sincerity, some surprise me with their crudeness, some I just ignore.

There are some friends out there that I have, I would do anything for them. They will know who they are. They have heard me through my sorrows, my tears. They have also seen me through my smiles, triumphs and successes. There are no words for me to say thank you but I thank God for bringing these bunch of people into my life.

Happy New Year!!!

Once again, a new year has dawned on us. Its amazing how fast a year can go by. Mine just went zooming by and its been a fantastic year. I'm looking forward to a fantastic 2010. My 2010 promises to be a year of revelation and a year of movement. Let's see how far the journey in 2010 will bring me.

Immortality

Its the ending of a year and anticipating a new beginning of another year. To mark the end of 2009, I've actually went for a body check up today and would require a week of waiting in anticipation for my results. There is nothing like a body checkup to make you feel the full impact being a mere mortal. Us in our twenties would think we are invincible and there is nothing for us to worry. But having said that, the full impact of a check-up and the waiting period for the results is nerve wrecking. Let's face it, I don't lead a very healthy lifestyle besides my yoga regimen. So, of course, I would be worried.

Christmas Overdose!!!

"Tis the Season to be Jolly" and I've been hearing this over and over and over again since the beginning of December!!!!! I used to love Christmas for its really a time for my family and time for sharing and caring. However, of late, Christmas is so commercialized that all meaning of Christmas is lost. The endless and needless shopping for gifts for everyone, spending a bomb, thronging the malls with thousands others. Its just not right. Giving should be from the heart and its not obligatory. Nowadays, its hard to step out to anywhere without being blasted with Christmas carols, Christmas sales, Christmas decorations, Christmas spending etc. To me, the magic of Christmas is lost and I can't find the spark that has once made me long for Christmas so much.

*Smiles*

I'm feeling good this weekend. The only downside is I would be out of contact with my guy for two months while he is touring Africa. He just flew off last night :(

I had a good quiet weekend till now. Yesterday, I parked my butt at Dave's, One Utama for my cafeine dose, lunch and a couple of beers. I was there for more than 4 hours. I met someone quite interesting yesterday, an Irish tourist who enjoys a good Stout Draught. It was fun to talk to someone new. I enjoyed it a lot. But I can't help missing my boyfriend the whole time. This guy, John, reminds me of one of my guy's friend. The antics, the way they talk, the size, all pretty similiar. I hope he has a good time in KL for the next 2 weeks.

After I left Dave's, I went to collect my car at IBM's office. As I was exiting the parking lot, a security guard approached my car. I stopped, wondering what was his concern. As I wind down my window, it was one of my favorite guards while I was working there. He said he thought he saw me and approach to say hi. He said, long time no see. I was surprised he remembered me at all. There are easily 600 cars and thousands of people that thronged the building daily. But it felt good. It means that I had actually made an impression on this guard who didn't speak with me but just exchanged smiles. It goes to show, it doesn't cost anything to be nice to people.

2010...

As I'm sitting at my desk at work past 5.30pm, I wonder if this is what being a workaholic means? I don't know if I'm one or not. But I do know that I do enjoy my work and I don't mind spending a huge amount of time and effort in getting a job done well. Looking back work has become 80% of my life. Its amazing that I've been working for the past 4 years and evolved with a strong foundation built. Maybe its the fact that the year is coming to an end and I'm feeling nostalgic. I miss my days in IBM, I miss the fun I had there. I had moved on.

Looking back on 2009, I had a few ups and downs and made changes to my life. I have yet to assess on the changes that I had made. But I actually feel good with the changes, its sitting with me well. This is really a year of travel for me. To date, I had visited 12 countries and I'm still counting. I've been blessed this year. My last travel for the year was to Perth 2 weeks back. It was a fun and relaxing trip for me. For those who has placed Perth on the back burner for its laid-back environment, it really is that. But it has its charms and it was a relaxing 10 days for me.

Looking forward to 2010, I might have another change on the personal front, I'm waiting for it excitedly. I reckon, I would need to grow up and next year has loads of promises for that. I can't wait for the events that might happen. Who knows what 2010 will bring, I can plan and anticipate as much as I could but I'm just going to take each day as a blessing and enjoy the ride. I'm not going to make a new year resolution for 2010. I just wish for good health for everyone so that we all can enjoy life.

Trust?

I always wonder how much of one person can we trust? Can we trust someone whole heartedly and unquestioning? Does it take time for us to build trust? Can we just accept one word of, "No, darling, I won't do it"? Can we really ever achieve that level of trust between 2 people? If not, for every posted message in this day and time of Facebook, will evoke a sense of distrust. And if this goes on for a long time, this distrust will rear its ugly beastly head and sets a claw on you. It will continue to bite you and eat you till you are gone, digested by this beast and you are sucked into oblivion, leaving only remnants of what was once good till this beast arrives.

Marriage and Happily Ever After

Its amazing that a lot of us in our late twenties still have our vision or this pre-set image of us being happily married without arguments, hassles, clean-up. A friend I know once asked me, where is the happily ever after that we always watched in movies? Don't you find that question interesting? A lot of girls that I know have this notion of all things will be perfect after a perfect wedding. But what the movie doesn't show is the arguments that married couples will have over the toilet bowl seats, over the food under cooked or over cooked, the cleaning up, taking the trash out, etc. I mean, these arguments over the small stuff, its small and petty. But its always the smallest little things that can make or break a marriage. I have never lived with a guy or have never co-habitated with another person. I have done it while I was studying. I can personally vouch that it broke a few friendship that I had. Its not easy staying with your own girlfriends what more now, a guy for the rest of your life.

There are some skeptics and nay-sayers out there that would argue, if things can't work out, why not get a divorce. Its easy to say that IF you don't have kids, but the psychological aspect and the emotional impact of a divorce is not easy to overcome. Not only that, I know some guys out there who fell in love with a girl that parties, drinks and basically just plain good fun. After marriage or even after snagging a guy, things just disintegrate. The girl changed. The girl decided to put more attention, time and effort into the family. Staying home while the guy continues his ways. Girl nags guy to come home, girl argues that she's the only one making an effort to work at the marriage, things fall apart and why am I not surprise that they opt for a divorce at the end.

I ain't no saint. I've not been married. But after hearing all these, it scares the shit out of me in getting married. To me, moving in with a guy is a big thing. Getting married, its just an impending event if we ever do get around to it. Maybe I've reached an age where I do want to settle down. Would I change, I don't know. Would I curb my drinking and my partying ways, I really don't know. Do I still want my own life, hell yes. I can't imagine myself living my life for a guy. Been there, done that and its definitely not a good thing. I've found myself asking myself these questions. Some of my closest guy friend told me this. The best way a wife can please a husband, wait for them at the door, wearing only a 6 pack beer in one hand and pizza in the other. That sounds easy enough, but why aren't there more women doing it once in awhile just to please their man?

It all boils down to pride. In Asian culture, pride is everything. It defines who we are. The proud Asian who are proud of their culture, heritage and their men. Some of the proudest men, bordering on being a chauvinist, are Asians. Its literally in Tarzan's words, Me Man, You Woman. That to me is a recipe for disaster. But another fact that rings true, it doesn't matter where you get your appetite from, as long as you go home to eat, you avert a disaster. That applies to both men and women. Long gone are the days where women are the humble housewife that doesn't know any better. But then again, women who has this feminist side of her would not know what to do with this new found freedom. It doesn't come with a guidebook and certainly can't ask your mom or your elders about it. This is because the very idea of women going out to work, being independent, open and liberated is so strange to them as well as to all other women who are living this life now. Its surprising that only 60-70 years ago, women are fighting for voting rights. Maybe that's why more and more women are getting married late. They have found this new independence foreign and not knowing how to deal with it and be comfortable in it.

I, for one, find this exhilarating. Am I lost in it? Yes I am. Am I enjoying it? Hell yea.. Its not like my mom would get to enjoy an afternoon alone in an up class restaurant/bar, having her lunch and now sipping on a Mojito. I'm happy that I'm allowed to do all these and more without prejudice. Heck, traveling alone is not something so strange anymore. I wish my mom would be able to enjoy this freedom because it makes all the difference in trying to understand me and vice versa.

Time and again

I guess I never do learn. Like a moth drawn to flame, I'll always continue to put myself in danger of being hurt in hopes that I would be able to find happiness and bliss. Maybe that's what the moth was looking for. Attraction to the flame that will caused it to die. I'm sure in that blissfull moment before the moth dies, it would have been happiest. That's just my thinking.

There are some talks of relocation and there are talks of moving away. But I do realized one thing. I can't take another long distance relationship. Not for another 2 more years, not for another while more. It will take a toll on me and if need be, some changes have to be made. It may be good, may be bad. Only time will tell of the choices we made and the changes we adopt and the life we choose to lead.

Realization

I realized one thing, I've always taken things for granted. I didn't realized this till I got my 2 impacted wisdom teeth out. It was from both lower side. There wasn't much pain to be honest post surgery. But the pain came from other forms. Not being able to open my mouth, not being able to chew, not being able to talk, not being able to look myself in the mirror.

Post operation, I've been brief on what happens three times. Once by my own dentist, once by the surgeon before the operation and once after. However, nothing had prepared me for the swollen cheeks. I mean, I can't imagine my cheeks swelling up to the point of being a piglet and changing the shape of my face. It was a horrible moment. Scientifically I understand what is happening and what goes on during the recovery stage. Emotionally, I definitely wasn't prepared. I wasn't aware that I could be this vain. Its amazing what females go through.

In the end, its good for me I guess. And I'm taking this opportunity to officially quit my favorite sticks. Yes, I'm a smoker and although I would like to think I'm a social smoker, let's face it, there's no such thing as a social smoker. So I'm going to be smoke free from now on. I hope that this will last. I'm determined this time round.