Packing up my clothes

I've actually cleaned up my wardrobe, packing away half of my life. Its weird, whenever I do this exercise. I dread it and I hate it. However, when I'm done with it, I actually feel a lot better. No, I don't cry, but I feel lighter emotionally. Its as though, I've decided to take charge of my own life and clean up and sever ties that are binding me down. Weird, ain't it?

I've packed my clothes into 3 piles, to be discarded, to be kept in cold storage and to be kept and worn. The first pile was huge. I never knew I had that many clothes. Some of them, I wonder why I had bought them in the first place. Amidst the large pile, I found some old clothes my sisters had left behind. There were a pair of jeans from the 1980s, those big baggy faded jeans. Quite hilarious when my mom decided to try it on and convince herself that she should still keep it and in the hopes that they will come into fashion again~~!! oh the things, we delude ourselves.

It tore my heart to discard some of the clothes. Some hold memories long gone, some hold a certain sentimental value. some things that I hold on dearly, might not be appropriate anymore and I should discard it with a heavy heart. I wonder if that's the same in life. To move on means to cut away ties that bound us? But above all, I feel a lot lighter after this spring cleaning. Its a therapeutic exercise to say the least :)

5 more days...

I'm going to turn 26 in 5 more days. Surprising that last year when my birthday came by, I had a tattoo to mark the ups and downs of my journey. This year, I had learnt more, I grew up, I grew wary of people and I had more downs than ups. But funnily, this time round, I didn't do anything drastic to mark this time of my life. I haven't gotten my third tattoo and that's because I can't decide where. I think I grew up by being more settled down. I hope that I'm wiser as well, as the years go by. I've been scared, I've been scarred and I've been put down time and again. But I've also said before, when life gives you lemon, I'll make lemonade out of it. I'm holding by this theory and learning to hold my head up high. For I have done no wrong and I shall feel no shame in it :)

Stumbled upon surprises

I stumbled upon a pretty good blog today. It was just one of those days of mindless surfing and this blog caught my eye. Its by edwin sumun. Enjoy~!! <The Link>

Back in Singapore once again

I'm currently sitting at Spinelli at Novena Square sipping a choc rum latte spin blogging this. Its been such a long while since I managed to come down to Singapore on my own for a whole week. I still have to work but then again, I'll be far far away from the pressure cooker environment in KL and I'll be able to just sit back and reflect on what I have done for this year and map out next year's charts. So fast and its another year coming to an end. Reflecting on this year, major ups and downs and yet, I've survived it all. What can hurt me will just make me stronger :)

Sitting in front of me now are 4 girls chatting and catching up over their coffee. They make me miss my friends. The times we just sit at mamak and chat and laugh and gossip. I miss those times. Its just not the same anymore. Most of my friends are no longer in KL, those who are around have moved on with their own lives, settling down with their respective partners. Maybe we all haven't change but its my feeling of inadequacy of not having a permanent partner. Or maybe its because we all know that our lives have moved on different parallel tracks. But given all the differences we all have now, whenever we get together we still chat nonstop and the youngest among us, cute Julie will also want to have her say as well :)

People getting hitched

I've reached my all time high on wedding invites quota. People around me are getting married left, right and center. So far, I've attended 5 weddings and my drawer has another 6-7 invites till year end. Basically after the month of October, I'm attending one wedding after another EVERY weekend~~!!! Sigh.. Not that I'm lamenting the loss of money but every wedding seems the same to me now. If its chinese, I'm quite sick of the 10 course meals to be honest. Its not like I eat a lot and every dinner, I'll just pick at my food after the 2nd course. Also, there will be loads of booze every dinner, and I usually got home tipsy as I'll end up drinking more than I can take. I wonder why do we have to endure wedding dinners? I'm actually happy for the couple. For they have the courage to want to stay committed to each other for the rest of their lives. But for the aunties and uncles who are attending, STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!

Weird how life works out

Its surprising how life works, how things evolved and how lives interlinks by a chance accident or by sheer serendipity and then *boom* it strikes you right in your face. I've been asking that myself of late. The chances that I had along the way. Wondering how things are and wondering what could, would, have happened if we didn't grab that one chance at that point in time. It would have been missed. But seizing all opportunities that come along will eventually take a toll on me. So we always have to be wary about what we take on and what we have in our hands. As of now, I have a lot of things in hand but I don't have the satisfaction derived out from it.

Moreover, for me now, a chance meeting has had me experiencing something I had never expected in a million years. Chance or not, it has taught me some valuable lessons and not to discount people based on their looks and where you had met them.

Love and Warmth

I'm starting to notice all the small and sometimes insignificant action can be an act of love from a mother to a child, a boyfriend to a girlfriend, between friends and even between two strangers. Why do you think I say that now? Maybe I've been blind all these while or maybe my heart and mind has not opened itself up to that notion. Last friday at a drinking session, a colleague suddenly announced (after a jug of beer, mind you) that he missed his mom and he wants to go back hometown. Oh well, all I could say was, that's a good boy. However, I wasn't convinced, but he was very adamant to correct me that there will be times he misses his mom so much, he will long to go home. Then, he went on to announced pragmatically this time, that he misses his girlfriend and he just wants some warmth. Now, I have nothing against that but the very fact that they both work in the same company, the meaning in your face 24 x 7 comes to mind. Once again, this colleague never fail to surprise me. He says he wants some warmth from his girlfriend. He just wants the closeness, hugs,mind you, and some quiet intimate time with his girlfriend without sex. Hmmm... I can understand the need to feel close to someone. In fact, the past week, I've been sms-ing a certain someone to say that I need loads of hugs and kisses to go through the week. And yes, I miss having someone by my side just to give me that uplifting hug when I most need it. But I've learnt to live on my own and celebrate the freedom of knowing someone is there for me and the sense of belonging without him being by my side all the time. For I know, I can be rest assured that the certain someone will come back and be by my side when the time comes.

Then, I started to notice that my parents do have their own way of showing their love. Mind you, us being Asians, we are not big on affection and the show of love. However, the little things that my parents do, bring a certain comfort and it shows love. Like my mom coming into my room mid morning during the weekends to pull the curtains together, so that this lazy pig of a daughter she has can have a longer sleep in. Or even like my dad, changing the light bulbs in my room when it gets dimmed or burnt. Although, my room now has different light colors, but that's another story. It is the action of it that shows love. As for me, I'm not sure how to react to my parents, but I know they enjoy the weekends where I bring them out shopping and lunch. It may not seem much to anyone else, but to them, its a time where I bring them out for a good meal and a look see of the other world where I frequent without them.

But in the end, with that colleague of mine, we parted ways after drinking because he has a sudden need to go Guardian to buy protection. So much for just hugs. :p

Of Love and Life

There are times I wonder what do I do in terms of my love life? When its blank and empty, its really bleak but when its filled, its filled with more than I can comprehend. I haven't stopped and contemplate what it means by having someone by my side (literally~!) So far, I've dated a few guys but then none that I have intention to move on until someone I met last year, and someone this year. I've never thought of settling down and having carefree relationship was something that I had pursued relentlessly. Yes, non committal I was. I admit it. I wasn't thinking of settling down, I was just thinking that I should date loads of different guys to find out what sort of guys will suit me best. Funny how life chooses to unravel itself. For now, I have come to a cross road and I don't what I want. I'm confused and I'm lost.

To be a beach bum again

I long to be a beach bum now. Just let the days pass lying in the sun, working on my tan, read books, dive as and when I want to and literally let the world pass with nary a worry and a frown on the head. :) Oh well, we can all dream..

Relationships?

I had always wondered what is it about love and relationship that makes the most sane amongst us go goo goo gaa gaa over it. Or take a word from Carrie in Sex & the City, its the feeling of zsa zsa zsu. I just felt some relationships, you don't see it coming, some you manipulate it to come your way, some just developed naturally. In the end, we trust our butterflies in the stomach to make a decision on the relationship. Now I wonder, are we always making the right choices then? If we are, then I rest my case. At times, we go with the one that seems to provide more fun than others. Me? I go with the one that can make me laugh, impress me, challenge me with their sense of humor and wit and ultimately, still love me for all my quirkiness. Is it too much to ask for in a man? I think so...